Parenting Abused Children: Hope, Healing & Insight

My daughter you are a

True princess

The way you twirl toilet paper

Around your waist

The way you clop around

In my  heels

Swinging your Big Bird purse

On one chubby arm. 

My daughter, your struggle

Is not fought alone

For I love you, always

The nights you stumble

Into my bed

Chased by nightmares

I hold you close

And promise to protect you

Though the only promise

I can make is the time

You are in my arms.

My daughter,

Like a castle wall

overgrown with ivy.

 My daughter, you alone found the courage

To find your words again

To tell what was done to you

You have forever lost

The enchantment of

Your first years of life

Torn between love for “daddy”

And fear of what he did. 

My daughter, you are

A true princess

I believe in something

More precious than Fairy tales

I believe in you.   

Evanlee Perth ©2005 

A personal experience about Out of Eden I would like to share…

 I was a bit of a “wild child” in high school, known for being very outspoken, creating my own sense of style and playing a number of pranks (including throwing frog parts during the dissection in Biology–where I was sternly warned not to clog the sink up!). One day in Biology, there was a substitute teacher who caught me by surprise when he brought a boombox to class (carbon dating myself, I know!).  The teacher was excited to tell the class about the upcoming Billy Graham crusade, and the live concerts that would be performing.  He had CD of some of the music, including “Lovely Day” by Out of Eden. I fell in love with the song as soon as I heard it, the music was so fun yet so beautiful–every part of me wanted to get out of my seat and dance.  Then the teacher told the class that he was going to promote the upcoming Billy Graham crusade at chapel and asked if anyone would volunteer to sing a few songs. To this day I do not know what compelled me but my hand shot up, and though I had no idea what I would be singing; nevermind I never sung anything in public other than the cute but off key Christmas songs all the parents cry over during elementary school concerts, there I was volunteering to sing in front of my whole high school. I really wasn’t nervous, I was known to be a bit of a rebel and I figured if anything went wrong, no one would be surprised.

Luckily, this very nice girl (who just happens to be a very good singer plus we sung together in choir) also volunteered so I had a partner. The teacher gave a short speech (by then I was getting nervous and completely forgot what he said) then motioned for us to come on stage, and turned on the boombox. I was relieved when the music was what he had played in class! I cannot imagine the horror of what my classmates had to endure but you probably deserved it–haha–kidding. I do want to say, you all missed out on the fun, and should have came on stage or at least stood on your chairs and done the rodeo!

The following weekend, I did go to the Billy Graham crusade. As I recall it was over St. Patrick’s Day and was the only party where everyone was excited, laughing and happy–but not drunk. I was dressed all in green, happy to have stolen a vest from my brother without him noticing it was gone (his favorite vest that looked like one Shai had worn). The crusade was held in a sporting arena but everyone was so friendly, and the stage itself was so small that it did not feel like a large room at all. When Out of Eden took the stage, the room broke out in the thunder of bass and clapping hands. Absolutely no one was sitting in their seats.  Lisa, Danielle and Andrea did look great in their matching outfits, but there was something about them that is very down to earth–they were like any of the girls in my high school. I really liked how Out of Eden represented the music they sang–they weren’t big egos or attention seeking celebrities. Their talent truly was in their voice.  And their praise was in God.  I was impressed with both their music, and yet how graceful they were. I knew then I was–and would be a fan for life.

I am including a short review about Out of Eden because their music is designed to be a ministry to those in need, particularly youth. Many of the songs of Out of Eden discuss painful subjects such as abuse, teenage pregnancy, runaways and hopelessness with a positive, and powerful message that despite any struggle, you can change your life for the better ()-

Out of Eden: A Short Bio

A positive, inspiring voice in Christian R&B music, Out of Eden is an original blend of soulful lyrics and dance beats. Out of Eden have also performed an album, Hymns, of Gospel music which reflects their early church upbringing.  The music of Out of Eden is both a fun, spirited celebration of their Christian faith and a thoughtful, often provocative look at the struggles many youth face. Each song is infused with a positive message of hope, redemption and God’s unconditional love.Out of Eden’s members are three sisters: Danielle Kimmey, Lisa Kimmey Bragg and Andrea Baca. The sisters grew up in Richmond, Virginia. Their mother is a classical pianist who relied upon her daughters as a support act when she performed on stage. The sisters were also influenced by R&B acts such as En Vouge and TLC. Their first album, Lovin’ the Day, was released in 1994. At the time, Danielle Kimmey was just 12 years old and the youngest Christian artist to be signed. In 2006, Out of Eden announced their retirement with nearly one and a half million records sold, and more importantly–having reached an untold number in their ministry through music and outreach projects

Out of Eden: Three Songs of Ministry

“You’re fourteen, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you
What’s that twenty year old man got to do with you…
I wish-I made a better life for you
I wish-there was someone you could look up to

Hoping that one day soon you’ll see
All you’re meant to be
Come to know the things that are true
And live the life that’s meant for you..”

Out Of Eden - I know Lyrics for Song

“I Know” from the album Love, Peace and Happiness (2004) is inspired by a letter written to Out of Eden from a 14 year old fan, who grew up in a Christian home, and was pregnant for the third time. The letter was about the girl’s search for acceptance, and understanding that God loved her unconditionally. (Source: Christian Music Today, February 2004).

“Do you hear me, can you see me
Walking down the street needing you
I want to make it, how do I get there
If you show me that you cared, you know
You could make a difference..”

“Sarah Jane” from the album No Turning Back (1999) deals with the plight of children who find themselves on the streets (runaways, pregnant teens, abused children, children in gangs, etc.) whose cries for help often go ignored, and then are further victimized and exploited because they are vulnerable, and seeking security and often end up in worse situations. ”Sarah Jane” gives a name and a voice to children living on the streets but also is a message for adults to speak up, and help a child in need. Is a message to seek help at the first sign that a child is in trouble, to stop the cycle of violence that inevitably draws a child onto the streets.

Out Of Eden Lyrics - Sarah Jane

“The One who made
the stars and sun

gave meaning to my life
It’s my choice and I will decide,

I won’t let you destroy my pride
I’m no showpiece for you to hide,

and lose all that I am inside
God made me and I’m beautiful..”

“Showpiece”  from the album This is Your Life (2002) is a song with a message to young girls that their beauty and self worth is defined by their own deffinition–not by standards set by society or anyone else. Showpiece encourages girls to stand strong against pressure that “seems a shame to me I’ve been reduced to an object of lust and hate”, emphasizing that it’s your choice to set your own boundaries and what is right for you. Showpiece also sends a clear message that God made each person beautiful, and advises to set standards much Higher than “a Bentley or your diamond ring” but instead seek a relationship with God as the focus of your life

OUT OF EDEN - SHOWPIECE Lyrics

For More Information:

Out of Eden Online: http://www.outofedenonline.com/main.html

Christian Guitar, Out of Eden Announces Retirement 2006:

Out of Eden Announces Group’s Retirement - CGR Community

Interview with Christian Music Today, February 2004:

Out of Eden, 02/04 - Interviews - Christian Music Today

BP News, June 2002: Out of Eden takes message beyond their music - (BP)

Coordinated Community Response for Sexual Assault (CCR), Dane County Wisconsin

Parenting The Young Sexually Abused Child

Parenting The Young Sexually Abused Child is an online manual to offer help after a child has disclosed incest or extrafamilial sexual abuse. It includes five chapters about the normal sexual development of children, indicators of sexual abuse, disclosure (under the chapter “Believing the Child”), helping the child cope, and resources.

Specific parenting issues such as nightmares, fears, responseses to family and friends, and stages of accepting sexual abuse are also discussed.

Another parenting issue CCR discussess is future contact with the perpetrator and making promises of safety to the abused child, “A word of CAUTION: if you cannot protect your child from future contacts with the perpetrator, such as often occurs in disputed incest and custody cases, do not give false reassurances. Failure to keep promises of protection will contribute to your child’s feelings of helplessness. Another way of providing reassurance is to be available to talk when it appears as though your child may need it the most, for example, prior to stressful transitions such as change in day care or at bedtime.” HELPFUL and HARMFUL REACTIONS TO DISCLOSURE OF SEXUAL ABUSE, CCR.

I highly recommend this manual as a valuable source of information and support for both the parent/caregiver and the child.

The CCR page also Includes an Excerpt from:

From NO MORE SECRETS: Protecting Your Child from Sexual Assault,  by Caren Adams and Jennifer Fay, copyright 1981.

http://danenet.wicip.org/dcccrsa/saissues/parent.html

*Safety and precaution tips for your child

*Advise on how to help a child recover after an assault has occured

*Advise on how to strengthen family and community to support victims of assault