September 2007

Monthly Archive

September 23, 2007

The Affects of Gambling on Children

Posted by evanlee21 under Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |
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Casino Kids: How Gambling Addiction Affects Children

Gambling is becoming a way of life, to the detriment of individual and family lives. Poker is becoming increasingly popular, now offered in neighborhood bars. Buses transport gamblers to casinos from convenient locations. Exposure on TV, video games and the Internet is increasing. Gambling is being considered as a means to increase revenue for the state. A new generation known as “Casino Kids are being raised among the fast action and blinking lights, an estimated 2.5 million children in the US are affected by a parent’s gambling addiction. An increased risk of divorce, abuse, and emotional problems are associated with families affected by gambling addiction. Family treatment is crucial to coping with problems caused by gambling addiction, especially for children who are most vulnerable when family functioning becomes disrupted.

 When the Chips are Down: Gambling Addiction 

     Biological studies show that gambling addiction is similar to chemical addiction. Like a chemical addiction, a gambler is unable to control the addiction, may experience mood swings (including depression, anxiety and euphoria), may seek immediate gratification and may use gambling as a means to escape pain or unresolved issues. Both gambling and chemical dependency are disorders that steadily progress. The addiction will consume the gambler and, if not addressed, will erode family relationships and the ability to participate in everyday life. Crisis intervention is crucial as many gamblers commit suicide, experience mental breakdowns or face financial ruin.

  Gamblers are not addicted to money, but to the “action”, the thrill and arousal of gambling. Through gambling the addict may seek self-gratification or an escape from problems. As the addiction progresses, the need for “action” becomes so great that the high of gambling is comparable to a cocaine high. Gambling addictions occur in cycles of winning, losing, and desperation. The “winning phase” is marked with euphoria; the gambler may be optimistic and entertain grandiose fantasies (often making promises involving their winnings or boasting of their status as a “high roller”). The excitement of gambling leads to increased bets and increased time spent at the casino. A gambling addict may neglect personal care, blackout or abandon social and family responsibility. The “losing phase” is marked with frustration and need to return to the casino to win back losses. In the “losing phase” a gambler may develop irrational thoughts or rituals involving the “cause” of their loss and how to resume winning. The gambler may blame or guilt others for the loss.  An example would be a gambler telling a spouse, “I only win when you support me, I loose when you don’t”. A gambler may also project their frustrations on others in aggression. In the “losing phase”, the gambler may blame others for their loss, turn to substance abuse, or experience severe life disruptions.  In the “desperation phase”, the gambler spends more time at the casino; “action” becomes the sole focus of the gambler. Or the gambler may feel guilt, which invites a need to “make up” for losses. In the “desperation phase” a gambler may borrow money, sell personal/family items or commit illegal acts to get more money to gamble. Gambling will often damage relationships with others, resulting in isolation and/or withdrawal for both the gambler and those affected. As the addiction progresses, the gambler is driven by compulsive urges to satisfy their need for “action” and cannot separate the casino from any other aspect of life. Preoccupation with gambling becomes so intense (reliving past gambling experiences, planning future ventures or initiating children into gambling), it becomes difficult, even painful, to stop gambling. A gambler may stop for a time only to return to the “action”, in which the phases of gambling addiction begin again.

Cycles of family violence may occur along side gambling addiction. A study conducted by the University of Nebraska Medical Center found that problem gambling is as much a risk factor for domestic violence as alcohol abuse. Feelings of frustration, desperation, hopelessness and anger caused by gambling addiction may incite family tension, stress and overall dysfunction. Emotional abuse is prevalent within families experiencing gambling addiction. The behavior of a gambling addict is unpredictable, resulting in disrupted family routines and for a child, a lack of security. Many children affected by gambling addiction report feeling profound loss and helplessness, comparable to the grief experienced after a death. The gambler may abandon the family, deplete finances, or berate family members for not “supporting” or not “understanding” their gambling. Living with a gambling addict often is described as “living a lie” and “living a nightmare”.

  A-B-C’s and 1-2-3 Cherries: Children Affected by Gambling Addiction 

Casinos create the illusion that gambling is “family friendly” by offering daycare, restaurants and entertainment. Nothing could be further from the truth: children ARE adversely affected by gambling addiction. From a young age, children are attune to family dynamics, and are keenly aware of turmoil. Through behavior, a child will express or mimic what is experienced in the home.

 

 

    The impact of gambling addiction on children is devastating. On an emotional level, children commonly feel betrayal, depression, anger, and anxiety. This in turn results in low self-esteem or difficult behaviors (such as regression, self-injuring, aggression and addictions). Further, the casino, or reminders of, may trigger anxiety or trauma, in which the child re-experiences feelings and memories associated with the parent’s gambling addiction. Children may also become fearful and unable to trust or become close to others. When the need to “win” or experience a “thrill” is modeled by a gambling parent, children may equate love with dangerous, thrill seeking behavior—or feel the need to compete with the casino, seeking attention with inappropriate behavior. In turn, children are set up to be further victimized or become addicts, themselves. The rates of neglect and abandonment (left in locked vehicles in casino parking lots or left alone without proper care) are high for children in families affected by gambling addiction. Many children will turn to addictions, including gambling, or substance abuse. Withheld feelings may result in mental or physical decline. Financial hardship caused by gambling may deprive a child of necessities, some families experience poverty and even, homelessness.

  Fold ‘Em: Healing after Gambling Addiction  

Gambling addiction must be acknowledged as a major addictive disorder in which professional help must be sought and relentlessly pursued. Counseling is effective in addressing psychological issues as well as offering guidance in repairing family relations. In addition, parenting support groups or classes may offer important skills and insights. If a family is fleeing domestic violence, seeking help and meeting safety concerns must be addressed; the support of a shelter or social service agency will offer crucial support and resources.

 

      A commitment to recovery is crucial to repairing family relations, and addressing the repercussions of gambling addiction. The road to recovery will not be easy–the gambler may continue to lie, manipulate or resist treatment. Despite the gambler’s condition, the needs of the child must come first. Children who have been affected by a parent’s gambling addiction will need help from an agency that specializes in working with children, as part of their healing, in addition to seeking support and/or therapy for the family. When seeking help, a child may resist change because they are afraid of losing a parent. Positive changes must be reinforced not only by getting help but also by modeling behavior. Turning to community agencies, faith based agencies or family and friends may offer support, and assist in upholding new changes. Being part of the community and enjoying activities, as a family, will create new experiences and outlets, replacing casinos with quality time. When dealing with gambling addiction, the best bet is for the well being of the child is to get help immediately.  

 

September 5, 2007

A Compilation of Quotes: Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

Posted by evanlee21 under Parental Alienation Syndrome
[4] Comments 

Judge James Mize, Sacramento Superior Court, representing the California Judicial Council and the California Judges Association, testified before the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee regarding parental alienation syndrome on May 6, 2003:   “I have taught family law to judges. I have taught every single newly-appointed and newly-assigned family law judge in the State of California for the last eighteen months. …. I have told them (the last 120 judges who have been through this training) Parental Alienation Syndrome does not exist, it is not to be considered.” Lack of Empirical Data, Research or Scientific Basis to Support the Controversial Psychological Theory Called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS): PAS is Not Generally Accepted in the Scientific Community. The Family Court Reform Coalition’s memorandum investigating the lack of scientific support for PAS.http://www.jfcadvocacy.org/amicus-briefs/FCRCMemo.doc

“Domestic violence is about control, not anger. Once a victim says ‘I’m leaving you,’ the last thing the batterer has over the victim is the children,” Katie Foster, regional training coordinator for the family violence division of the Dallas County district attorney’s office. Family violence issue at seminar: Dallas: Parental alienation syndrome leads conference. The Dallas Morning News (10-27-2006). By Kim Horner.http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-familyviolence_27met.ART0.North.Edition1.3e56364.html

 “When mental health experts or attorneys claim that P.A.S. is a ’syndrome’– knowing full well that it lacks scientific validity, is the concoction of a disgraced psychologist, and has been soundly rejected by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges — that is disingenuous at best and unethical at worst.  Moreover, when it is used as a vehicle to keep children in the custody of men who abuse them, it is also immoral. ” , Randy Burton, Founder, Chairman and President - Justice for Children. http://www.jfcadvocacy.org/pas.asp

 “PAS is not research-based, and it has done a great injustice to the family and the justice system. The criteria that Dr. Gardner has developed are virtually useless. He operates on the premise that if you say a lie often enough people will believe it.”, Jon Conte, a psychologist at the University of Washington. “Has Psychiatry Gone Psycho?” by Kelly Patricia O’Meara. Insight on the News (4-26-199)http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_15_15/ai_54451069/pg_1   

“The vast majority of these mothers (97%) reported that court personnel ignored or minimized reports of abuse. They reported feeling that they were punished for trying to protect their children and 65% said they were threatened with sanctions if the “talked publicly” about the case. In all, 45% of the mothers say they were labeled as having Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). The protective parents reported that the average cost of the court proceedings was over $80,000. Over a quarter of the protective parents say they were forced to file bankruptcy as a result of filing for custody of their children. Eighty-five percent of the protective parents surveyed believe that their children are still being abused; however, 63% say they stopped reporting the abuse for fear that contact with their children will be terminated. Eleven percent of the children were reported to have attempted suicide.” “Myths That Place Children At Risk During Custody Litigation”. Dallam. S. J., & Silberg, J. L. (Jan/Feb 2006). Leadership Council. Sexual Assault Report, 9(3), 33-47. http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/cust_myths.html   

“In contrast to the empirically unsupported notion of Parental Alienation Syndrome, these more complex multidimensional models have received preliminary research support. A comprehensive assessment identifying reasons for rejection is critical, because it provides the basis for appropriate intervention. If a parent is being rejected primarily for reasons such as moralistic thinking by the children (e.g., tied to developmental stage), lack of resources (e.g., not as many toys as the other parent’s house), and negative comments by the custodial parent, then therapeutic intervention to rebuild the relationship between the rejected parent and children would be indicated. In contrast, if a careful assessment found that rejection was more closely tied to the non–custodial parent’s history of violence and continued attempts to monitor and harassthe children and primary caregiver, then interventions to create safety for the children and caregiver would be more important that treating the ‘alienation.’”“Making appropriate parenting arrangements in family violence cases: applying the literature to identify promising practices. 2005–FCY–3E.” Research Report, Department of Justice, Canada.http://www.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/pad/reports/2005-FCY-3/chap4.html#4_3  

“It is also worth noting that Dr. Gardner often expressed disdain for child abuse professionals, labeling them “validators,” theorizing that greed and desire for increased business prompted some sexual abuse allegations, and speculating that parents and professionals alike made some false allegations because “all of us have some pedophilia within us.” “Parental Alienation Syndrome: What Professionals Need to Know Part 1″. By Erika Rivera Ragland1 & Hope Fields. http://www.ndaa.org/publications/newsletters/update_volume_16_number_6_2003.html#  

“PAS does not meet the courts’ threshold requirement to qualify as scientific. Clearly then, the offering of PAS to the courts as an explanatory construct, let alone a basis for making recommendation about the future of children’s lives, does not meet the minimal set of ethical standards incumbent on experts appearing before the court….Because his (Dr. Richard Gardner’s) theories are based on his clinical observations (not on scientific data) they should be understood in the context of his atypical views concerning parent child relations..”“Parental Alienation Syndrome: Frye v Gardner in the Family Courts (Part 2)” By Jerome H. Poliacoff, Ph.D., P.A., Cynthia L. Greene, Esq., and Laura Smith, Esq (Article also includes alternative factors to PAS, caselaw in various states, and in depth research)http://expertpages.com/news/parental_alienation_syndrome2.htm  

Dr. Paul Fink, a professor of psychiatry at Temple University School of Medicine and a past president of the American Psychiatric Association in Arlington, Va quotes on PAS include:“This is junk science”“He (Dr. Gardner) invented a concept and talked as if it were proven science. It’s not.”“There are lots of people who alienate their partners during a divorce, But it is not a syndrome, a disease or a disorder.”“Richard Gardner and Parental Alienation Syndrome: The debate rages on…”. By Jamie Talan, Newsday.com, July 1, 2003. http://www.ipce.info/library_3/files/pasyndrome.htm 

“According to David Shaffer, M.D., chair of APA’s DSM-IV Work Group on Disorders Usually First Diagnosed During Infancy, Childhood or Adolescence, PAS has not been proposed as a syndrome or mental disorder to any DSM committee. Shaffer said that a large number of clinicians have observed what Gardner describes as PAS. However, ‘in my opinion, this is a psychological process that occurs within families rather than a diagnostic profile that falls within the province of the DSM.’,” said Shaffer“ “Controversial Syndrome Arises In Child-Custody Battles”. Psychiatric News (9-1-2009). By Christine Lehmann. http://www.psych.org/pnews/00-09-01/controversial.html 

 “In 1996 a leading task force of the APA published a widely disseminated and relied-upon report: Titled ‘Violence and the Family,’ written by the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family, and published by the American Psychological Association, it is based on a comprehensive review of the literature and research on violence in the family.
The Report states, among other things:
‘When children reject their abusive fathers, it is common for the batterer and others to blame the mother for alienating the children. They often do not understand the legitimate fears of the child. Although there are no data to support the phenomenon called parental alienation syndrome, in which mothers are blamed for interfering with their children’s attachment to their fathers, the term is still used by some evaluators and courts to discount children’s fears in hostile and psychologically abusive situations.” (page 40) “THE TRUTH ABOUT PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME AND THE AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION”. Statement by Professor Joan S. Meier, Esq. (November 9, 2005). Compiled by Trish Wilson, 2005. Trish Wilson offers alot of articles and resources on her site,http://members.aol.com/asherah/meier1.html 

 “It is interesting that Gardner advocates severing the relationship between a child and a mother who he considers to be emotionally abusive, yet he stresses maintaining and building the relationship whenever possible with fathers who have been found to have sexually abused their child. For example, in reference to sexually abusive fathers, Gardner (1992b, p. 572) states: “There is no such thing as a parent who is perfect .. The sexual exploitation has to be put on the negative list, but positives as well must be appreciated (by the child)..” “The Parental Alienation Syndrome: Is It Scientific?” by Stephanie J. Dallam, RN, MSN, FNP, The Leadership Council. http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/dallam/3.html 

 “WORLD reviewed histories on 13 PAS cases—in California, Texas, New York, North Carolina, Georgia, Utah, and other states. These cases had something in common: documentation. In all 13 cases, court records show the mother had already been found a fit parent, and was in most cases already the primary custodial parent. In all 13, court-appointed psychologists ignored children’s testimony of sexual abuse, and in some cases, medical findings of abuse, and even previous sex-offender violations. And in all 13 cases, court-appointed mediators concluded that the mothers had inculcated PAS in their children and recommended Dr. Gardner’s standard prescription: to strip custody from the mother and place the child with the father for ‘deprogramming.’” “Little girls lost?: Embraced in family courts across the country, a controversial “syndrome” may be placing abused children at risk” by Lynn Vincent. WORLD Magazine (2-08-2003). http://www.worldmag.com/articles/6825   

“PAS has no credibility, validity or utility in the respective medical or child protection communities and in accordance with the Queensland Supreme Court ruling, the use of the label in judicial proceedings could be viewed as prejudicial to those proceedings in the absence of factual evidence and makes a presumption of guilt of the accused residency parent which it is proper for a Court to decide on the basis of factual evidence.It is seriously flawed reasoning which assumes that a child is being untruthful about abuse without a very careful and thorough investigation of the child’s allegations and an examination of the corroborative evidence and that a parent is misrepresenting or falsely presenting the allegations of the child. When children make a report or disclosure that they have been abused, what they say must never be dismissed, ignored, or disregarded by any adult but should be carefully listened to and inquiries made to establish corroborative evidence, much of which can be found in changes in their moods, temperament, and behaviours.”, Charles Pragnell, Expert Witness in Child Protection  in the U.K. and Australasia, and a Child/Family Advocate.”Parental Alienation Syndrome Leading.”  Child WebMag. http://www.childrenwebmag.com/content/view/280 

 “Parental alienation happens, but there’s no clinical syndrome you can say in court and get away with. Richard Gardner was a charlatan, and hundreds of women and children across the country have been damaged because of his crazy idea. PAS is not in the DSM-IV and it never will be.”, Paul Jay Fink, professor of psychiatry at Temple University School of Medicine. When a Bad Divorce Gets Ugly:  Baldwin call may reflect alienation, The San Diego Union-Tribune (5-13-2007). By Melissa Fletcher Stoeltje.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070513/news_1c13alien.html

Patrick Standifer, the San Jose attorney who represented Kathy Justi, accused of parental alienation and lost primary custody of her daughter as a result,” There is not enough emphasis on the parent/child relationship that is commonly the mother. It’s turned into a parents’ rights statement, whereby psychologists are critical of the mother’s ability to share the child. Therefore, they remove custody and give it to the father. That’s using the child to placate public policy.” Custom Custody.  Metroactive News (4-03-1997) * IssuesIFamily Court Bias. By Michael Learmonth. http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/04.03.97/court-9714.html

___________________________________

“Courageous Kids Can’t Be Fooled-PAS Exposed for What It Is”http://www.courageouskids.net/pas.htm

   Dear Citizens Of Illinois, Please read and sign your name and town to the bottom of this petition and forward this to everyone you know who resides in the state of Illinois. I have already sent this petition to Congressman Lipinski when I contacted him regarding the fact that innocent children are being removed from their loving caretakers and placed in the custody of batterers and molesters, where overwhelming evidence has been presented and ignored by judges and court appointed Guardians Ad Litem . Judges and Guardians Ad Litem are denying domestic violence victims (including children) due process, violating standard court procedure and failing miserably at protecting our children. As I write this, my five year old little boy Jason is being abused with the blessing of corrupt Cook County judges. The beauty of it for them is they think that they are above the law. (View petition in full and sign at)
http://www.petitiononline.com/illinois/petition.html 

 New policies need to be set in our Massachusetts Family & Probate Courts with regards to the use of this unsound theory as a defense in custody cases. I would urge Governor Deval Patrick to research this topic in depth and educate the legal community to make the proper changes necessary to protect our children. As a mother, educator, and active community member, who has experienced the tragedy first hand, I would welcome the opportunity to share my knowledge with the Governor. Say NO to Parental Alienation Awareness Day! The use of this invalid theory is dangerous, unethical, and unconstitutional.

(View petition and sign at :)

http://devalpatrick.com/issue.php?issue_id=7619037

 National Organization for Women denounces Parental Alienation Syndrome:http://www.now.org/organization/conference/resolutions/2006.html#pas

 

September 5, 2007

A Short Note on PAS/Dr. Phil Parenting Mistakes

Posted by evanlee21 under Inspirations, Parental Alienation Syndrome
[2] Comments 

flower 

Food for thought…. Dr. Phil taped a show about mistakes parents can make during or after divorce. I agree with Dr. Phil that parents can make choices that adversely affect the child, and that if divorce issues are not handled carefully children will be hurt. I do not believe or endorse Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), nor was this episode of Dr. Phil discussing PAS.  However, I thought Dr. Phil’s thoughts would be interesting to consider or discuss in relation to PAS, and in the broader context of healing family relations.

Here is a link to “Post-Divorce Parenting Mistakes and Strategies” on Dr.Phil.com: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/242

Post-divorce parenting is fraught with danger, danger that you will inadvertently do damage on top of what the divorce has already done. To help you recognize mistakes you may be making and to avoid mistakes you’re prone to make, Dr. Phil lists some of the biggest and most frequent mistakes those in your situation typically make:

Sabotaging your child’s relationship with the other parent.

  • Using your child as a pawn to “get back at” or hurt your ex.
  • Using your child to gain information or to manipulate and influence your ex.
  • Transferring hurt feelings and frustrations toward your ex onto your child. (You may be particularly prone to this if your child bears physical or behavioral resemblances to your ex.)
  • Forcing your child to choose a side when there’s a conflict in scheduling or another planning challenge.
  • Turning family events attended by both divorced parents into pressure cookers. Events that call for sensitivity include birthdays, holidays, school programs, extracurricular activities and performances.
  • Depending too much on your children for companionship and support because you’re hurt and lonely and have adopted a siege mentality: “It’s us against the world.” This isn’t a healthy position for either you or your child to adopt.
  • Treating your child like an adult because you’re lonely or just want help. It is inappropriate to give your child an adult job.
  • Becoming so emotionally needy that your child develops feelings of guilt if he or she spends time or even wants to spend time with your ex, friends, grandparents or others.
  • Converting guilt over the divorce into overindulgence when it comes to satisfying your child’s material desires.Besides making a commitment to avoid these mistakes, you should affirmatively commit to a family and parenting strategy that will help your child flourish in a divorced home.

    • The site does include strategies to implement positive changes. I believe that after a divorce, the family is changed but still, a family relationship exists–because children are involved. There are alot of resources to get additional help with problems including: counseling, parenting classes, parenting & divorce classes, mediation services and if needed, family court services. If the relationship between the adults is so toxic that the children are being adversely affected I believe it is best to seek additional help because work will need to be done to create a functional relationship and seek reasonable agreements in an environment that is safe and unbiased while focusing in the best interest of the children.

    I would like to add that dealing with domestic violence and child abuse requires additional help because safety should be a number one priority. I would not advise negotiating or making deals with a perpetrator, it is better to get outside help and develop a safety plan with experienced professionals. If you have an Order for Protection or a Harassment Order parenting children will not be the same as in a “typical” divorce–again, safety should be the first consideration and outside help is crucial to ensure your safety comes first, and your rights are being protected.

    I do not believe in Gardner’s theory of Parental Alienation because it is an unproven, unfounded theory that has been widely discredited; and in practice, has had devastating results on children and families.

    “In the final analysis, parental alienation syndrome is little more than a scientific-sounding label for conduct that judges and lawyers have known about for years.  In some custody battles, one parent attempts to turn the child against the other parent.  The child becomes a pawn in the struggle over custody.  Such parental behavior is inexcusable and should not be tolerated.  In view of the damage inflicted by parental alienation syndrome and its bias against women, however, the wiser course would be to discard the syndrome and confront unethical behavior head on.” What is Parental Alienation Syndrome, and Why is it so Often Used Against Mothers? Mothers Against Sexual Abuse. http://www.againstsexualabuse.org/docs/ParentalAlienation.asp

    I appreciate the input offered. I am open to talking about and exploring ideas, theories and views. You views and experiences will be respected. In posting, you can remain anonymous if you wish.

    Thank-you ~* Evanlee

    National Domestic Violence Hotline

    http://www.ndvh.org/

    1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
    1-800-787-3224 (TTY)