“All i, seem to, think about is violence
It doesn’t matter if I’m dead sober or I’m bent
It’s strange, I’m not insane or at least I don’t think so
Or am i? you think so doc, truthfully I don’t know
I need a doctor to give me some therapy
I need a doctor to check my, my brain..”
Therapy by Heltah Skeltah

WHAT IS ABUSE?

Abuse: Patterns of violence, intimidation and threats used to gain control and/or compliance over another person. Aspects of abuse include: physical, sexual, emotional/mental, psychological and financial. Abuse is committed by one person who has power over the other, and exerts that power in harmful ways. Abuse can happen to people of all backgrounds and genders–socio economic, religious and cultural.

For More Information Visit: Domestic Violence (Myths, Safety Plan, Questions About Leaving, Resources, etc)http://www.domesticviolence.org

 Halton Women’s Place (What Is Abuse?): http://www.haltonwomensplace.com/abuse.htm

What is Abuse in Relationships: http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/infospace.htm

CRAZY MAKING

 One tactic abuse is “crazy making”–when a perpetrator commits deliberate acts or manipulates to make a victim feel crazy, or to believe they are crazy. Feelings of disbelief, confusion and shame are all a part of crazy making. Crazy making can involve verbal abuse–threats, taunts, shame, blame, humiliation or name calling. Crazy making can involve physical abuse–coersion, retaliation. deprivation or physical harm. Often crazy making involves psychological tactics such as manipulation, stalking, isolating and acts that degrade or break down the self.

I found this song to be an of crazy making:

“You said: ‘You’re crazy, why do you keep doing this? Everything is fine.’ Then I think, I’m crazy I do this all the time Until I start to think that nothing’s even wrong [Chorus] Maybe I am Hiding in my own confusion Maybe we’re just A picture in my head Maybe what if it could be The way I wish it really was Maybe I don’t wanna see it The way it really is..”

The Way it Really Is by Lisa Loeb

For More Information Visit: Wearing Her Down, Understanding & Responding to Emotional Abuse: http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/wearing_her_down.html

Crazy Making, Some Disturbing Little Stories: http://www.dreamchild.net/caccrazemake.html

The Connection Between Abuse and Mental Health

Abuse can and will lead to varying degrees of mental and emotional decline. In many instances, a victim will not seek help or struggle to get help because they feel ashamed, that they are “crazy” or something is wrong with them or are afraid of the abuser. It may take a crisis before a victim seeks help–by then the problem is greatly exacerbated. In other instances, a victim may not be believed because they have a previous mental health condition or the affects of abuse present as a mental health problem. The affects of abuse on a victim can create a variety of problems from low self esteem, depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress, destructive behavior (eating disorder, promiscuity, addiction, self injury), sleep disorder and phobias. Advocates working with abuse victims will need to work alongside professionals and medical providers to ensure the victim receives the help they need. Advocates will also play a crucial role in getting the victim help–and recognizing that abuse is taking place. An advocate may be a person working at a shelter or it may be a teacher, family member, friend or religious official. It may even be you.

 Facts on the connection between abuse and mental health

“Battered women are 4-5 times more likely than non-battered women to require psychiatric treatment. “ Violence Against Women Source: Tubman Family Alliance, http://www.tubmanfamilyalliance.org/need_help/being_abused/violence_facts.html

 ________________

“While that may seem like common sense, there is now a growing body of evidence indicating that experiencing abuse plays a significant role in the development and exacerbation of mental disorders and substance abuse problems, increases the risk for victimization, and influences the course of recovery from a range of psychiatric illnesses. Across studies of battered women, rates of:

(1) PTSD range from 54% to 84%

(2) Depression range from 63% to 77%

(3) Anxiety range from 38% to 75%

…Linking domestic violence advocacy with mental health and substance abuse service delivery is critical for the prevention of future violence and its sequelae.” –Domestic Violence & Mental Health Policy Initiative

http://www.dvmhpi.org

_________________

“About a quarter of U.S. women suffer domestic violence, U.S. health officials reported on Thursday, with ongoing health problems that one activist likened to the effects of living in a war zone…The CDC said women who suffer domestic violence are three times as likely to engage in risky sex and 70 percent more likely to drink heavily than other women. They are also twice as likely to report that their activities are limited by physical, mental or emotional problems and 50 percent more likely to use a cane, wheelchair or other disability equipment, the CDC survey found.These women also were 80 percent more likely to have a stroke, 70 percent more likely to have heart disease or arthritis and 60 percent more likely to have asthma.” Quater of US women suffer domestic violence: CDC by Will Dunsham (3/8/0

http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?folder=12&page=497

______________________

“All women who are experiencing or have experienced domestic violence will need emotional support of some kind, but their needs will vary. All women need to be listened to with respect and without being judged when they choose to talk about their experiences.” In conclusion, if you are a victim of abuse get help. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Your life depends on it. It will take time to be safe again, to heal and rebuild you life–but have hope because the first step begins in believing that you are worthy of love, respect and a better life. And with those steps comes a sense of power and strength that will only grow. Even in your struggles, your value as a person, and in the soul God placed in your body, is not diminished. You deserve love, respect and safety. Believe that.

For Additional Information:

The Women’s Aid Site include a “Survivor’s Handbook”. Here you will find common tactics used by abusers who use mental health (threats, name calling, shaming, creating distress/anxiety/fear etc) as a weapon against victims. Also includes tips on how to communicate with service providers, who may not believe your disclosure of abuse because you are seeking help for mental or emotional issues. Also includes tips how to survive after abuse. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100360002

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Domestic Abuse Victims Bring Complex Issues to Treatement by Eve Bender. Psychiatric News (June 4, 2004, Volume 39, Number 11): Information on how affects of abuse may affect a victim’s mental health, coping skills and relationships with others. Information on how psychiatrists and other medical professionals can assist victims in healing and seeking help. Discusses common myths and barriers that prevent victims from being taken seriously or being recognized when reporting abuse while also dealing with mental health issues. http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/39/11/14?maxtoshow=&HITS=20&hits=20&RESULTFORMAT=&stored_search=&FIRSTINDEX=0&tocsectionid=Professional*&displaysectionid=Professional+News&journalcode=psychnews

 __________________

You Are Not Crazy-Listen to What Verbal Abuse Sounds Like

“…he masterfully charms everyone he meets, just like he did to her when they first met…”

Includes Information about Abuse, Charateristics/Behavior of an Abuser, Eileen’s Journal and More http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/

_______________________

Violence Against Women With Disabilities (Facts, Recommendations for Service Providers to Help Victims, Education and More) http://www.bcm.edu/crowd/?pmid=1344#facts

_______________________

Coping As a Non Borderline/Coping with BPD Loved Ones List of Resources and Information on Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Relationships, Dealing with Stress, Depression, Anger and Shame and More..

http://www.bpdresources.com/coping.html

A Pirate Alienation Story” is a classic tale dedicated to Dr. Richard Gardner updated with spectacular courtroom antics and unbelievable legal loopholes that will leave single mothers stunned and abusers cheering and sneering. “Cap’n Hook” is a modern remake of Steve Spielberg’s 1991 film, “Hook” with an all star cast: Alec Baldwin as Cap’n Hook, Paris Hilton as Tinkerbell and John Edwards as middle-aged lawyer Peter Banning aka Peter Pan. This must-see film is rated “G”, in the best interest of the children, of course. 

   In this new adventure, Peter Pan flees Neverland after being forced to “walk the plank” and other abuse committed by Capn’ Hook. Peter strips off his tights and elfish hat with red feather to join the modern world, where he struggles to forget his past. He grows up to become a middle-aged lawyer named Peter Banning whose hair is sprayed on from a can and whose ability to spit legal jargon can rival any hard core rap artist. Peter marries Moira Darling, and invites everyone to the wedding but Cap’n Hook—who holds a grudge. Peter and Moira have two children together, and life seems normal until Cap’n Hook crashes through the window, in his pirate ship, demanding custody of the children through a legal loophole called “Pirates Rights”. An outrageous custody battle, clashing with dueling swords, begins. Cap’n Hook hires Dr. Richard Gardner (played by Robert Blake) as an expert witness who condemns both Moira and Peter with various mental conditions, using unproven, unscientific theories to bolster his claims. Dr. Gardner proclaims Moira is a “feisty wench” and Peter is suffering from “Peter Pan Syndrome”. Worst of all, they have alienated the children from Cap’n Hook!

A judge with an eye patch and peg leg, an hunch back guardian ad litem who has joined the “Pirates Rights Movement” and various other corrupt family court officials then grant Cap’n Hook full custody of both children. Peter and Moira are ordered to pay child support and are slapped with a gag order to remain silent or face being sent to the dungeon. An hour of supervised visitation every blue moon is granted to both parents, if they can make their way through an overgrown labyrinth then cross a moat to a heavily guarded tower in the middle. Cap’n Hook whisks the children away on his pirate ship, captured in a net.           

In the eyes of the court, Cap’n Hook is a sympathetic pirate who has employed hundreds of thieves, smugglers and petty criminals aboard his ship. His quarters are lavishly decorated with troves of treasure and the skull and cross bones on his flag show he is firm disciplinarian, not an abuser. Cap’n Hook provides attention and nurturing to the children by exposing them to gambling, drinking and providing schooling aboard the ship that includes swordplay and Pirate-bonics such as “Arrrgh!” and “Aye, Matey!” Despite his best efforts, both children express that they miss their parents and often cry, as a result of the rigorous brainwashing Peter and Moira have inflicted. Dr. Gardener counsels Cap’n Hook. Dr. Gardener assures that full custody is the only cure for “pirate alienation syndrome” and that Moira is only hateful Cap’n Hook because she has a secret lust for the pirate. As for Peter, the Lost Boys hardly provided a legal defense with their slingshots and grade-school taunts. While aboard the ship, Cap’n Hook tries to convince both children that their parents hate them, and works hard to manipulate them into becoming pirates. He almost succeeds if not for Tinkerbell, who has stolen onto the ship in an effort to try to with the children back to Peter and Moira. High fashion Tinkerbell flits amid the pirate ship among glittering pixie dust and disco music, bringing a musical score to “Cap’n Hook” as the pirates break out in song and dance, and the children sneak off the ship in a dingy. “Cap’n Hook: A Pirate Alienation Movie” will leave viewers stunned in its explosive finale, followed by exclusive web cam clips of the provocative Tinkerbell.  

Note: This essay is based on the 1991 movie “Hook”. There is a scene in “Hook” where Captain Hook has stolen the children of Peter Pan, and attempts to alienate the children by telling them that their parents don’t love them, and manipulates the children’s feelings to instigate hostility against their parents. I also found it interesting that in “Hook” a Lost Boy child named Rufio is killed by Captain Hook when stabbed in the heart with a sword. The movie largely ignored the death of Rufio, and Peter Pan was even willing to give Captain Hook a second chance—the death of this child went unnoticed and unpunished. Many of the fairytale events in this film echo the unbelievable injustice and drama of the family court system.

Evanlee, 2008 

The Parental Alienation Syndrome: Is It Scientific? by Stephanie J. Dallam, RN, MSN, FNP

 http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/dallam/3.html

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Stop Family Violence: Parental Alienation Articles Page 

http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?folder=63 

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“..(Because of) the given tendency for incestuous fathers to deny their abuse, the more normal appearing and less disturbed abusers may be more effective at preventing disclosure.”

“While some studies reported some fathers with evidence of psychological disturbance, Williams and Finkelhor found that the majority of incestuous fathers are unlikely to manifest severed [sic] psychiatric impairment. Indeed, they felt they could state with confidence that ‘there are an important group of incestuous fathers, at least a quarter or a third, who seem virtually completely normal, and who would likely pass psychological testing or psychiatric evaluation without problem.’
‘CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: TREATMENT, PREVENTION AND DETECTION’
by Rod O’Connor, Senior Research Fellow at Monash University
in Australia.
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=347329
The pdf file can be downloaded and viewed here:
http://chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf

Or you can read it in your browser from Google’s cache:
http://216.239.39.104/search?q=cache:od5iIDN0EywJ:chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf 

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Personality Traits in Abusive Relationships

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abuse_rel_types.htm

“Abusiveness is a family dysfunction that repeats through generations. Just as addictions pass down through generations, abusers often leave their families for a family of choice - then repeat the abusive cycle from the other side….Abusive relationships are marked by attempts by the abuser to isolate their partner from social interaction. This is due to jealousy and to an unconscious awareness that outsiders will see the relationship dynamics and attempt to intervene.”

“Abusive behavior did not make it into the diagnostic criteria of mental health disorders, nor were its psychodynamic, cultural and social roots explored in depth. As a result of this deficient education and lacking awareness, most law enforcement officers, judges, counselors, guardians, and mediators are worryingly ignorant about the phenomenon…The blissfully ignorant mental health professionals are simply unaware of the “bad sides” of the abuser – and make sure they remain oblivious to them. They look the other way, or pretend that the abuser’s behavior is normative, or turn a blind eye to his egregious conduct.” — Dr. Sam Vanknin, Conning the System

Link: http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

Title: Taken

Author: Kathleen George

Publisher: Delacorte Press (New York, New York: 2001)

Genre: Fiction, Mystery

Length: 309 pages

Marina Benedict is a woman who has lost her sense of self, and knows only the role of victimization she has played since she was a child—to be the rescuer, to gain love through compromise and self-sacrifice, to remain hidden. As a child, Marina grew up in a home that was terrorized by her abusive father. At the age of ten, Marina tried to stop the violence by intervening between her father’s fists to save her frightened family. Marina was able to secure a brief respite from the physical blows; however, she became the target of her mother’s emotional abuse. After Marina’s father died the legacy he has left remains a source of torment. Marina struggles to remain close with her family while knowing that much of their connection has eroded. The cycle of violence that had gripped Marina’s family in the past continues when Marina married Michael Benedict, an emotionally distant man whose feelings are guised in manipulation. For many years, Marina tolerates Michael’s violence towards her, and meekly submits to being under his control.

“Even the way Michael bristled, the little bit he moved, as soon as she showed the soft underbelly of her sadness, spoke of violence in him…He had not struck her except for that once. But the books, papers, dishes, he had thrown, broken. He had been on the verge of striking her a million times. The threat of it was almost worse, given her family history, than if he’d hit her.” (page 3)

Slowly, things begin to change. Marina can no longer appease Michael, and grows tired of trying. Marina’s façade of goodness, of always doing right, of saving others is quickly cracking—but who is she, underneath?

            On the verge of divorce, Marina’s life is about to undergo complete transformation. Marina struggles to make the choice that will either change her life forever or maintain the cycle of violence that she has only known as “love”.

            “He’d been thinking. He must tell her, slowly, over time, over the phone, and then in person, how he is changing. That Saturday morning, months ago, when he threw things toward her, not at her—just audio—and videotapes, but a few of them ruined, and Marina seeing all over again her father, her father’s temper—that was bad. How clearly he sees himself now, from outside, from her point of view, as if he stepped over to stand beside her and look dispassionately. His inability to apologize, the way he’s been struck in resistance, and his indirect way of solving things…He wants to admit to this terrible anger of his. He wants to be rid of it once and for all.” (p. 167-16

Through the darkest streets of Pittsburgh, and the darkest places within herself, Marina seeks to put her violent history to rest, and recreate her sense of self while undertaking a remarkable but dangerous journey. Without warning, Marina is thrust onto this journey when she witnesses the kidnapping of an infant on the streets of Pittsburgh. Without thinking, Marina follows the kidnapper, in an effort to rescue the baby. In a brutal confrontation Marina will face the ultimate battle for survival.

            Taken is not a conventional mystery novel, its challenge lies beyond the kidnapping that generates obvious attention but delves deeper into human motivations. Kathleen George writes an insightful novel that explores the passions, the demons, the history and hopes that define the motivations of the novel’s various characters. The storyline of the kidnapping, itself, is very intense and compelling. While Taken begins with Marina’s story and then the kidnapping, it veers into the very different perspectives of the police detective following the kidnapping, the family of the baby and into the perverse, demented lives of the kidnappers. The common thread that connects these very different stories is Marina, who becomes so invested in trying to save the baby that she puts her life at risk. The additional insight into the lives of the characters, and the intricacy of how their paths connect creates an emotional undercurrent seething with suspense.

Marina provides an interesting dimension of suspense. I found myself enthralled by her fight to save the baby, and wondering what she would make of her life. Marina is a very believable character—emulating goodness but flawed within, she cannot live up to the expectations beaten into her. Marina’s act to save the baby shows strength and integrity in a way that is different from her actions in the past; there is a subtle maturity happening as the story develops. Marina’s response to the kidnapping, yet another act of violence, calls upon strength to be more than passive but to develop purpose and put it to action. There are were many traits to Marina that are common to abuse survivors such as feeling numb or unable to identify feelings, being able to intuit or sense danger before an event occurs, struggling with self-esteem and being enmeshed in repeating patterns of dysfunctional or abusive behavior and/or relationships. Another trait evident in Marina is that she felt drawn or pulled in to people (or objects) that represent security, acceptance and/or love. For a person who has been traumatized, the pull can be so strong, that the person (or object) that represents these things becomes synonymous with love, acceptance and security. In these types of situations, the love is magical and filled with fantasy or filled with special meanings that hold no value in the real world, the need for the object or person becomes all consuming and the ability to remain independent diminishes as attachment increases. Addiction, abuse, and illness all result from these types of relationships based on dependency and victimization rather than equality and mutual respect.

“Under her chaotic armor she is delicate. She’s Joan of Arc, just trying to manage the voices.” (p. 290)

Taken does not provide answers, the explanations are simple and may provoke further questions but what I did like is that I felt privileged to gaze into a window revealing connections and relationships in life that are rarely seen. I highly recommend Taken. As a first novel, Kathleen George has done an outstanding job.

I do want to cooperate.

I do not want to ignore proper procedure.

Why would you want to circumvent clearly established laws and procedures? “

I found the advice in this article to be very helpful

___________________________________________

To be fair I am offering more info about Suzanne Shell. From what I have seen on the web, Suzanne Shell is a highly determined, and controversial, family advocate, author and attorney fighting for parent’s rights and speaking out against injustice in the system. If there is a balanced counter view, I will post a link. However, I am asking for respect in the position you take–personall attacks and obscenties will not be tolerated.
Suzanne, feel free to leave a statement or any info about yourself or American Family Advocacy Center if you like.

More Info on Suzanne Shell:

Profane Justice (Suzanne’s site offers information on Family Rights, Information on Training Seminars, Letter and Advice to Foster Children and much more..)
http://www.profane-justice.org

Wikipedia- Suzanne Shell
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzanne_Shell

“Children of the State” by Mark Stout and Gail M. Armstrong, for “Freedom Magazine”. An article about parents whose rights were violated by the corruption of the (family services/human services, CPS) system that traumatizes children by unfairly taking them out of homes, with commentary by Suzanne Shell.
http://www.freedommag.org/english/vol32I1/page02.htm

POSITION :

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. 
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. 

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this!   You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;  This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right. 

“There are only two ways to deal with tragedy and injustice: show it plainly or hide all traces…”  How to Make an American Quilt, Whitney Otto, p. 18.

Author: Augusten Burroughs, USA

Sources: Augusten Burroughs Website: http://augusten.com/

Child Abuse-The Hidden Bruises: http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/chldabus.htm

Books Reviewed: Running With Scissors, Dry, and Magical Thinking

Augusten Burroughs specializes memoir, his work is a surprising blend of South Park featuring Stephen King. I found Augusten’s work to be visceral, painful, humorous and painfully honest.

I am also working on a memoir and I can say, from experience, that of all the writing I have done memoir is the toughest. A good memoir puts your vulnerabilities, your deepest secrets, all things you wished to say but never did on paper for the world to see; and once published you can never take those words back. When writing my memoir, at first I felt like a character in one of my books. I stood apart from really feeling or owning my experiences. It was much easier to be detached than to really relive what I had buried in the past. Then I took a class on writing memoir with an accomplished author. My teacher was very intelligent, a thoughtful writer with a lot of flair. She encouraged me to explore, and delve into the scenes in my book. To relive each moment from a different sense, to put words to intuition. As my book flourished so did my sense of “This is me!”. Laugh* In a sense, writing memoir can be a sort of therapy…and sometimes a mirror that sees into the all the walls you have put up.

Augusten’s works are revealing, and embody all the aspects of a well-written memoir. Often I felt as if I was standing beside Augusten, walking through the streets of memory, as I read his books. In Running With Scissors when Augusten recalls the abuse, neglect, and lack of support he survived as a child I wanted to scream—to fight for him. He takes you in a very personal way, through some of the darkest moments in his life and you cannot help but to be moved, but in the same way you don’t want to get too close. Augusten can be critical, sarcastic and at times distant. In Dry Augusten recalls his alcoholism, recovery and self-destructiveness. The mystery of Augusten is that his anger is directed outward—especially in Magical Thinking do you get the brunt of a rather cutting, often caustic sense of humor. Augusten does not elaborate on coping with a traumatic childhood, and there is no sense of resolution. Perhaps there are subtle clues such as Augusten’s struggle to form close relationships, and a past tendency for sexual encounters with men that he had not known for very long. Or how uncomfortable Augusten feels around children, despite being rather sensitive towards others. Humor, clearly is Augusten’s release, there are so many memorable stories but my favorite is in Magical Thinking when the little girl goes on an Easter egg hunt, excitedly picks up a bag she thought was candy to see a lump of dog turd inside. Humor, and determination are common themes in all three books. Even at his lowest point, these attributes provide strength and perhaps, a way to triumph.

Another aspect that Augusten’s works brought forth in me is the impact of trauma and abuse on a child. Reading the news or hearing horrific stories, it may be easy to judge abuse by the severity or physical blows. However, for a child the pain of abuse and the pain on the psyche cannot be separated. While an outsider may judge abuse based on bruises or neglect, may think that yelling at a child is not as bad as hitting, in a child’s reality the actual abuse is compounded by trauma and psychological damage. Often the full measure of abuse is repressed or separated, in which case as an adult the abuse is experienced all over again. If there is no resolution, abusive and dysfunctional patterns may continue –sometimes to the next generation.

I also thought it was interesting that in Running With Scissors Augusten does not actually say that he was raped as a child, I was often left with the impression that the dysfunction and insanity of his youth was normal. One example of this is the wife of the psychiatrist sitting in the living room, eating handfuls of dog food from a bag. She convinces everybody that the dog food tastes good, and they ought to try some before judging her for eating it. While Augusten is initially skeptical, he does try a kibble of dog food and later agrees that it does taste good, and starts eating more of it. In a very real way, the crazy, the dysfunctional has become “normal”.

The process of anger, of feeling wronged becomes more fully developed in Dry and Magical Thinking. I was actually appalled, to the point of wanting to throw up, that readers would ask Augusten if he had ever seen or heard from Bookman (the pedophile). Facing your abuser in a memoir takes a tremendous amount of courage. I cannot imagine what it would be like to see this person face to face, as an adult. I can honestly say that the face of an abuser is not easily erased from your mind—nor from the normal life you strive for after surviving abuse or trauma. Victims often see the abuser in their minds, their nightmares, and other aspects of their life—the healing process is a lot like recovering from severe burns in the most vulnerable parts of who you are.

Anger is also a part of  healing. For abuse victims it’s a lot easier to be angry at yourself, or people perceived to be weaker than to directly confront the abuser through feelings or memories. Anger towards the self becomes justified by the manipulation of the abuser. Often abuse victims will blame themselves for letting the abuse happen because they feel weak, vulnerable, or were seeking something (love, support, attention, etc.) that was only met by abuse or violence. As an abuse victim, healing involves taking back your power. There are many aspects of taking back your power but at its core that involves being comfortable in who you are (learning to live with the abuse in a way that does not continue the pattern of dysfunction or violence). Getting to that point is going through a dark maze of emotion and pain and anger. For a time the victim may turn to addiction, resist intimacy or use defenses to shield themselves.  I can imagine that writing a memoir that is published all over the world will cause you to let down your shields, or at least be open to having them knocked down.! For this, I applaud Augusten.

I highly recommend the writing of Augusten Burroughs, though it is not for the faint of heart. The writing of Augusten, overall, is very unique and insightful.

The heart of a child
Is in your hands now
So let’s see you smile
’cause I’m not impressed with your loneliness
And it’s been a while
Since you forgave all your changes made

“Of a Broken Heart”, Zwan

“Child abuse is reported on an average of every 10 seconds and three children die every day as a result of such abuse. ” — Tennyson Center for Children (www.childabuse.org)