Commentary on Botched 60 Minutes Child Rescue Also Says Alot About Abusive, and Alienating Parents. 

Amy Stockwell’s commentary offers background information about the non-custodial kidnapping of the el-Amien children and offers deeper insight into parents who use children as a pawn in custody disputes. 

“But here’s the thing: Even if you disagree with your ex-partner about how to raise your kids, you don’t get to steal them.

You don’t get to arrange an access visit and keep them.

You do not get to use the misogynistic laws of another country to get around the fact that you’re not entitled to permanent custody of your children.

You do not get to keep your ex-partner in prison in order to get the child custody you want.

You do not own your kids…”

Commentary written by Amy Stockwell: 60 Minutes: Ali el-Amine now has everything he wants. Because this case was all about him.

Abusive and alienating parents will lie, manipulate, triangulate and create havoc because their feelings of entitlement or feelings of being right are placed higher than the well-being of their own children.

Children should NOT be used as a pawn, or as a weapon, to wield against a former partner or to be used to further one parent’s agenda or interests.

BACKGROUND: MOTHER SALLY FAULKNER ATTEMPTS TO RESCUE KIDNAPPED CHILDREN IN LEBANON

Sally Faulkner and Children. Source: News Talk ZB http://www.newstalkzb.co.nz

April 2016: Australian mother, Sally Faulkner, was given sole custody of her two children (6 year old Lahela and 3 year old Noah) by an Australian court. Their Lebanese-born father, Ali el-Amien, took the children to a holiday in his home country and never returned – that is kidnapping. However, Lebanon is not a signatory to The Hague Convention, so it does not have to enforce or acknowledge  the Court’s orders to return the children to Australia.

Ali el-Amien took the children because he was jealous that Faulkner had moved on from their relationship, and was dating another man.

In a desperate attempt to get her children back, Faulkner and a four-member crew from 60 Minutes went to Beirut to attempt to rescue the children, and were arrested in the process.  They faced up to a 20 year sentence in jail.

60 Minutes Team. Clockwise from top left: Tara Brown, David “Tangles” Ballment, Stephen Rice and Ben Williamson. Source: Facebook Source: Sydney Morning Herald. http://www.smh.com.au

Ali el-Amien’s family has strong political connections in Lebanon’s parliament, and was given custody of the children by a religious court.

After being detained, a deal was struck where no criminal charges would be filed if Faulkner were to relinquish custody of the children, and co-operate in obtaining a religious divorce from el-Amien. The deal was struck after a closed-doors meeting between lawyers representing the parties and the judge.

Faulkner was pregnant at the time, likely agreed to the deal in order to save her unborn child. 

Everybody is happy,” said Nine Network lawyer, Kamal Aboudaher. It is hard to imagine a mother being “happy” to lose custody of her children who will be raised in another country by the father who kidnapped them, and now has total control over both the children and is restricting her access to them.

Channel Nine will also pay a financial settlement, of an undisclosed amount, as a settlement to el-Amien to drop his civil claim. News Corp reports the settlement may be as high as several million dollars. el-Amien says he did not receive financial compensation, and he may be willing to allow a visit between the children and their mother at some time in the future; however he will not allow the children to return to Australia because he is afraid they will not come home (the custody order would be enforced).

Faulkner’s legal rights in Australia mean nothing in Lebanon. Faulkner’s Lebanese lawyer Ghassan Moghabghab said El-Amien will get everything he wants because he has the legal rights in Lebanon. 

The Lebanese men involved in the rescue and British national Adam Whittington, from the Child Abduction Recovery International, are still being detained in Lebanon. Adam Whittington says he is being treated unfairly, and has been left behind the news agency that should have worked to secure his release.

A support page has been set up for Adam Whittington: Support Adam Whittington #bringskippyhome

Faulkner was allowed a short visit with her children before leaving Lebanon. Her daughter gave her mother a Barbie ring “so you won’t forget me”.  Faulkner reports that she is overwhelmed with grief due to the loss of her children, and has not had any contact with them. 

Ali el-Amien admitted that the children ask to return to their mother. 

 

Read More: 

60 Minutes crew face jail term over attempted child ’rescue’ in Lebanon by Janet Fife-Yeomans

60 Minutes: Sally Faulkner’s estranged husband admits children want to be with mum by Latika Bourke, Ruth Pollard and Suzan Haidamous

Deal struck in 60 Minutes ‘child-abduction’ case by Latika Bourke

The heartbreaking moment Sally Faulkner had to say goodbye to her now estranged children by Holly Byrnes, with staff writers News Corp Australia Network

‘I call this injustice’: Adam Whittington refused bail with three other men accused over 60 Minutes botched child abduction attempt by Daily Mail

(Marietta. Cobb County, Georgia – June 9, 2016) Monte Tnarg Grant is charged with misdemeanor child abandonment after he abandoned his 5 year old son, La’Monte, at the DFACS office.

Facebook posts suggest that Grant may have abandoned his son because he was tired of being a father: (Feb 10. 2015) “All I want is for my son(LaMonte) to know who his mother is…who knew that it would be a problem? I took care of him 4 years straight, now it’s K— turn. No matter what anybody else got to say/want to say I’m always going to do for my children. I’ve been doing it since #Day1. So all y’all outside folks that got shit to say can #EatAD–   s/o to A— & LaMonte Grant” Grant also said he was tired of paying child support, and tired of fighting with his ex-girlfriend. 

Public Domain: http://www.clker.com

Grant left La’Monte at the door to DFACS with a note that read “Hi, my name is La’Monte Grant and my mother said she doesn’t want me anymore!!!”. Grant says that he is “not a child beater” but the cruelty of his actions have definitely inflicted a blow to this child at a deep level. La’Monte was found by county employees, who tried to contact his father. La’Monte told the employees that his father had left him there.  After no response from Grant, little La’Monte was taken into protective custody. His mother says that Grant has sole custody of the boy.

What took so long for the state to take La’Monte into protective custody? There are many indicators the child was at risk in his father’s care – Grant has a lengthy criminal record and admits to using drugs and smoking weed. He has also threatened violence against his ex-girlfriend. 

Grant has been previously arrested on charges of aggravated assault, criminal trespass, loitering, drug charges and probation violation.

Just a cursory glance at Grant’s facebook page shows several concerning items that indicate the children are not safe in his care. 

In a video, Grant is driving down the road with 3 young kids in the car who are not buckled into car seats. Grants is ranting about his ex-girlfriend, swearing, and making derogatory comments with the children present (who can be heard screaming in the background) for 10 minutes. Not once did Grant check on the children to see why they are crying, instead his voice gets louder to drown them out. It is painful to hear the anger in Grant’s voice, and hear his nasty comments, and know that 3 innocent children are listening to all of this.

Grant’s facebook refers to women in two ways – in vulgar comments about sex, other comments have to do with fights and escalating tension between his ex-girlfriend. Grant posted this threatening remark about his ex-girlfriend in Jan 2013 to Facebook: I got love for ya cause you gave them birth,but I dnt like you though b/c you stay talking shit&never back it up all them bitches nd hoes you were calling me were uncalled for cause ppl that knw me well can tell ya I’ve NEVER been that. Since ya mouth wanna be fly you done fucked up now&unleashed the demons in me all I see is Darkness. Just knw when I see you…PREPARE TO GET SPIT ON #B—

Monte Grant threatens ex-girlfriend. His children have witnessed many of Grant's tirades against the mother, and heard his derogatory comments.

Monte Grant threatens ex-girlfriend. His children have witnessed many of Grant’s tirades against the mother, and heard his derogatory comments.

Studies consistently have proven that violence perpetrated against a mother in a relationship creates a high risk for abuse against a child. “Multiple studies have demonstrated the dramatically elevated rate of child physical abuse (review in McGee, 2000) and child sexual abuse (e.g. McCloskey, Figueredo, & Koss, 1995; Sirles & Franke, 1989; Paveza, 1988) by batterers. This risk may increase post-separation from the mother’s inability to monitor the batterer’s parenting and from the retaliatory tendencies of many batterers.” (Bancroft and Silverman)

Grant has not only making negative comments about the ex-girlfriend to his 5 year old son, but also encouraged the child to disrespect, and talk bad about his mother – which is emotional abuse. Grant referred to his ex-girlfriend as “the bitch” and the “f– mama ” in front of his children. He also made graphic comments about having sex with his ex-girlfriend in front of the children.

On Jan. 29 2013, Grant posted: “I told La’Monte when u get of age & your mom try to talk to u…. Throw a SACK OF BOONKIE DOONKIE in her face, when she ask “Why u do that?” Say “B/c u use to treat me like SHIT!”

There are also many pictures (and video) of Grant smoking weed posted to his facebook timeline. Grant brags that he is “always toasted”, and proudly wears a shirt with a marijuana leaf on the front. More from facebook:

Monte Grant refers to himself as a "pothead" and says he is "forever blowing herbs".

Monte Grant refers to himself as a “pothead” and says he is “forever blowing herbs”.

Harding working father of the year making his money

Harding working father of the year making his money

Other pictures where Grant is posing with bottles of booze, and bragging about getting drunk and high.

Monte Grant gets drunk and high (facebook)

Monte Grant gets drunk and high

 

Others in which Grant is throwing up gang signs (no I will not post that nonsense!)

Facebook posts also show that Grant claims he is a good father, and portrays himself as being victimized by his ex-girlfriend. Can you hear the violins playing???

Monte Grant says his ex girlfriend is a bad mom, and then abandons his own son at a county office (facebook)

Monte Grant says his ex girlfriend is a bad mom, and then abandons his own son at a county office

Can somebody answer just how Grant was granted sole custody of the 5 year old son that he later abandoned? And what is DFACS doing to protect this child?And what is up with all these adults who ignore the crazy happening in this home and do nothing to protect the children?

There has been an outpouring of public support and sympathy for La’Monte. I hope and pray that he is happy, and well-cared for. This child has been through alot and deserves to have a chance at experiencing a normal childhood.

~EJ

Add’l Sources:

Cops: Father drops off 5-year-old son at county DFACS office, leaves/

ASSESSING RISK TO CHILDREN FROM BATTERERS – Lundy Bancroft & Jay G Silverman

(Melbourne, Australia, Feb. 2016) – Balenga Kalala masterminded a plot to have his wife Noela Rukundo kidnapped and killed… miraculously Noela survived to crash her own funeral.

Read the Full Story at:

Spared by the hitmen with principles by Richard Hooper (BBC)

Wife crashes her own funeral, horrifying her husband, who had paid to have her killed by Sarah Kaplan (WP)

Balenga Kalala, of Melbourne, paid a team of hitmen to kill his wife. Source: http://www.goldrushnews247.com/

Noela is the mother of 3 children, who had experienced abuse from Balenga throughout her marriage, she said, “I knew he was a violent man. But I didn’t believe he can kill me.”

Balenga pleaded guilty to the crime and will spend 9 years in prison but Noela’s ordeal is not over… she is now being harassed by many in Melbourne’s African community, who blame her for Balenga’s conviction.

Despite what she has been through, Noela says she will be strong, and rebuild her life.

 

 

The article Fragmented Child: Disorganized Attachment and Dissociation by Robert T. Muller Ph.D describes how abuse can destroy a child’s sense of self, and cause them to seek refuge from a painful reality by dissociating.

The “Fragmented Child” article was very helpful to me to identify many of the symptoms I have seen in my own children; I am sharing a link to this article along with some of my own experiences to raise awareness about the effects of abuse on children. I also feel a purpose in sharing my story to illustrate the devastating impact of family court rulings that place children in the care and custody of an abusive or unfit parent – much of the harm inflicted on my children could have been prevented if the family court had protected them from abuse.

What is Dissociation?

In “Fragmented Child”, Muller describes dissociation and its cause. The “fragmented child” is one who uses dissociation as a defense mechanism to deal with a stressful, traumatic or abusive situation.

Muller says about dissociation,“As a way of coping, dissociation occurs when the brain compartmentalizes traumatic experiences to keep people from feeling too much pain, be it physical, emotional, or both. When dissociation occurs, you experience a detachment from reality, like ‘spacing out.’ Part of you just isn’t ‘there in the moment.’” Children who grow up in an abusive homes often dissociate because they can not handle the trauma, pain and/or dysfunctional environment.

Dissociation happens when there is a trauma or assault, our first instinct is to go into “fight or flight” mode. When there is no escape, the flight is taken into the mind – away from a present danger. Dissociation is a defense mechanism where a person separates from their memory something they do not want to deal with. There is a range of mild dissociation to full blown dissociative identity disorder (separating a part of yourself from memory). Amnesia may occur with dissociation because the mind is shutting out or erasing a painful reality.

Through dissociation, memory of the trauma is held within fragmented parts of the mind. The trauma causes the mind to break or split off into smaller pieces that make it easier to process what has occurred. Over time those fragments may form their own distinct parts or identities. Triggers or memories of trauma release the memories which emerge (this occurs in a variety of ways).

People who experience dissociation commonly report feeling numb, spaced out, may have amnesia, and feel disconnected. A dissociative disorder changes the way a person sees reality and impairs memory, consciousness and a person’s sense of identity.

For more info on Dissociative Disorders please visit: Dissociative disorders (by Mind for Better Mental Health(

Understanding the Dissociative Disorders by Marlene Steinberg, M.D.

Public Domain: http://absfreepic.com

The Devastating Impact – When Courts Order Children into the Custody of Abusers: What I Have Seen in my own Children

My children are victims of abuse who have been further traumatized when the family court gave sole custody to the identified abuser. My children suffer from debilitating psychological, behavioral and social problems as a result of the abuse. My children have had their childhood stolen from them.

It is distressing to realize that your children are coping with a dysfunctional home environment by dissociating, and that your efforts to protect your children are being challenged, and prevented, by the family court system. Filing protective orders or asking for a change of custody based on abuse or endangerment has resulted in reprieve, and punishment from the courts (financial sanctions, loss of visitation and/or custody, ordered into supervised visitation, gag orders, jail are all common forms courts punish protective parents). Seeking therapy and professional help for my family has resulted in me being accused of harming my children, being told I need to “co-parent” better and otherwise being told my concerns of abuse, and the supporting documentation I offer, is not credible. My legal rights have also been violated in the court process. I am told to stay silent, stop raising concerns, be a more “cooperative” parent. No parent should be asked to enable the abuse of their own children.

I have seen the following indicators of dissociation present in my own children:

1) Talking to my children, they are sometimes triggered or can not deal with a difficult emotion, their response is a blank face (emotionless) and silence. The tone of voice may sound monotone. Or their mood may not match the current situation or the prevalent emotions of the day (for example, it’s a birthday party, everyone is happy but the children are silent and withdrawn).

2) The child withdraws into their own world – retreating into distractions, video games or computer time, imagination or an intense interest that draws their attention away from the present and into an inner world. The interest dominates the child’s focus, and they have trouble staying emotionally regulated without it.

3) After a long separation from my child, I am finally able to reconnect or have some contact with the children. I am overjoyed, and emotional. The child appears detached, appears emotionless, eyes are blank, voice is flat and mood is somber or withdrawn. At times a glimmer of my child once was will appear. Maybe I will get an unexpected hug. Or my child will create a card or picture for me, showing love or affection. It is confusing to see the dramatic changes – the conflicting closeness followed by the coldness, some children reject the targeted parent entirely.

4) The child is reminded or triggered by a memory of past trauma or abuse, and they freeze or lock up. They are unable to talk or move – sometimes they blank out. Other times they are aware of what is happening around them but unable to move or interact with their environment. Amnesia often follows these events. Or the child is unable to identify how they are feeling or what they are thinking.

5) When the child is overwhelmed by memories of trauma or abuse, they have violent or intense tantrums. Often there is very little or no memory of the tantrums. They may fall asleep after the tantrum due to exhaustion. There may be physical or emotional signs of dissociation that is associated with the onset of the tantrums – regressive behavior, mood swings, a drastic change in facial expression or appearance (this is an emotional change), banging their head on the wall, etc

Other signs of dissociation in children may include: Memory loss, inability to concentrate or focus, hyperactivity, mood swings, nightmares, a flat or monotone voice, appearing weak or lethargic, anxiety, and changes in personality.

When Family Court Professionals Fail to Recognize the Impact of Abuse on Children

The judges, Guardian ad Litem, evaluator, attorney for my abusive ex and other family court professionals working with my children, etc who do not understand the effects of abuse and trauma on children, commonly assign blame to one parent for causing reported behavioral and emotional problems in a child. Other times the court will deny any problem exists with the children (this happens even when there is ample evidence and documentation) and falsely accuse the targeted parent of having some kind of mental illness that causes a parent to report abuse and seek help for this child. In this way, victims of abuse are not being protected by the family court, and are being re-victimized.

Where there is no safety for children, some have chosen to escape the abuse, pain and ugly world they live in through dissociation.

— EJ Perth, May 2016

Source: tinypic.com

Are you working with a team, only to find one member has taken over the entire project, and is shutting everyone else out? Have work objectives been delayed because a co-worker is putting their own interests or ideas first? Have you given feedback on a work project, and a co-worker responded by lashing out at you in rage or emotion that was exaggerated or unreasonable for the situation? Is one person making the work environment so toxic or so full of drama that the job or group is no longer productive? Have you thought about quitting a job or project that you are passionate about, or skilled at working in because of a co-workers actions of behavior?

Maybe you are working with a narcissist.

If so, the best protection against the manipulation and mind games used by a narcissist is to learn as much as you can so that the narcissist loses their control over you. When you can identify narcissistic behavior, for what it is, and seek other options you are no longer playing into their games and now can take steps to protect yourself.

What is Narcissism?

The term “narcissist” came from a Greek myth where the hunter Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.

In a nutshell, narcissism is a personality disorder where an individual has an exaggerated sense of their own importance, and/or an excessive interest in the self or personal appearance. Narcissists believe the world revolves around them and have little concern, or care, for other people. Behind the Narcissist’s mask of self importance lies a fragile ego who reacts with rage or dysfunctional behavior when confronted with their own fears or insecurities.

Are you working with a narcissist?

Working with a Narcissist on a job, volunteer project or in a group effort is often extremely difficult – and fraught with complications and obstacles created from the havoc of a person more concerned with their own self than the actual task at hand. A narcissist will put their own interests ahead of the benefit of the group, and can not see (or appreciate) the bigger picture. Narcissists often take advantage or exploit people to further their own interests.

How to identify a narcissist in the work environment?

Preston Ni, coach and trainer, shares his insights on how to identify a narcissistin his article: 10 Signs Your Co-Worker / Colleague is a Narcissist

So You Have Identified the Narcissist, Now What?

Some tips for dealing with a narcissist in the work place…

* Document the narcissist concerning behavior, especially if it rises to the level of threats, harassment or makes you feel unsafe.
*Save copies of all toxic or threatening e-mails or communications
* File a complaint or speak to a manager. Document all efforts; bring a witness if you feel the management may side with the narcissist.
* Identify your support system or safe person you can confide in. NEVER confide or share intimate details with a narcissist, even if they are on their best behavior the narcissist is always gaming you.
* Narcissists are not team players – realize their is nothing you did to deserve their poor treatment towards you. Do not attempt to appease a narcissist or get on their good side. Your energy and efforts would be better spent protecting yourself.
*When communicating with a narcissist, stick to the facts and do not include opinions, emotion or other personal information. Anything personal you share will only be used to hurt you later.
* Be prepared that confronting the behavior of a narcissist in any way will always cost you in some way. This is why support is so important. And if you have to take legal action, you need to be prepared.
* If you feel like you could lose your job or would want to quit, seek other career alternatives or support.
* Do not blame yourself for the irrational, unreasonable or illogical actions of a narcissist! Guilt, blame, and scapegoating are all tools used by a narcissist to avoid responsibility for their own actions, do not fall into that trap.

Another ideas or tips on how to identify a narcissist in the work place or how to deal with their difficult behaviors? Leave your tips and comments below!

Karen Woodall, a specialist working with families affected by Parental Alienation, shares insights on how alienation affects a child, and what they may be experiencing from a deeply personal level.

Through her experience, and skill, Woodall gives voice to the traumatize and wounded children who can not speak for themselves.
“The mind of the captured child would, if we could look inside it, appear not as we expect it to be, but would appear to be almost empty. This is because the doors to the unpleasantness that these children direct towards the parent they are rejecting, remain firmly closed when that parent is not around. Put simply, when they are not busy rejecting, these children do not want to think about the parent they do not see because it brings up too many painful feelings for them.”

Woodall also advocates establishing a multi-model support system to help children recover, and heal from alienation. Woodall says, “The mind of the captured child can only be freed when the power dynamic around them changes and someone is willing to intervene.”

To Learn More, Please Read: https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2016/01/24/rescuing-the-mind-of-the-captured-child/

Karen Woodall

Those of us working in the field of parental alienation spend a lot of our time thinking about and working with, children whose minds have been captured by a parent’s emotional or psychological reactions to significant change.  As someone working regularly with children who reject or resist a relationship with a parent after separation, I spend more time than most in the company of such children.  I find them to be both fascinating as well as terrifying and somewhere in between, deeply troubled.  For these children, the task of coping with the schism in the sub and unconscious mind of the families they are torn between, can be impossible. Helping them to escape from the pressures that this brings to bear in their lives is what our work is all about.  Helping to restructure the power dynamics around the family is part of that process.

My fascination with alienated children…

View original post 1,406 more words

Title: “Helping Your Child Survive a Difficult Divorce” by Lynne Namka, Ed. D. (Tucson, Arizona: © 2000)
Description: “A Psychologist Who has Dealt with the Pain of Many Children Whose Parents Act Irrationally During Divorce Tells It Like It Is!”
Link: http://www.angriesout.com/kids4.htm

In the article “Helping Your Child Survive a Difficult Divorce”, psychologist and author, Lynne Namka shares insights on how the behavior of parents during or after a divorce impacts the children who are caught in the middle. Children are hurt when parents war against each other, or when one parent displays “negative behavior” towards the other during or after divorce. This article offers positive solutions to identify problematic behavior, tips on healing from divorce, and tips on how to identify your motives and behaviors so you can co-parent more effectively.

Lynne advises, “Do not let your child be a witness to your anger at his or her other parent. Belittling your child’s mother or father is a form of child abuse that can affect your child’s self esteem permanently. Your child is half of the other parent. If you criticize your ex, your child will feel ashamed of half of him or herself. You WILL hurt your child if you habitually yell at your ex, trash talk about them, if you are self righteous in explaining how wrong their point of view is or if you try to evade the legal custody arrangement.

“Helping Your Child” also explains how one parent’s efforts to exert power and control over the other parent can escalate to emotional and psychological abuse.

Seeking power and control over the parent is commonly motivated by:
· A parent’s need to control the person they are divorcing
· Anger towards the other parent
· An abuser may try to avoid their own feelings of powerlessness by exerting power and control over another person
· The need to be right, at any cost
· Avoiding responsibility for their actions in the marriage, in combination with a sense of guilt, may also cause a parent to cast blame on another parent
· Inability to let go of the past or living in the past
· Avoiding your own feelings of anger, hurt and resentment by dumping or venting them onto the ex partner

Lynn says that the maturity level of a parent affects how they deal with the divorce, and with their own emotions. A parent who is able to control their emotions is better able to co-parent, and in turn the child experiences more stability.

If you are dealing with anger towards another parent, Lynne advises seeking therapy, finding a support group or taking a divorce recovery or anger management class. She says, Make your goal to get a working relationship with the other parent of your child. If you are willing to see how your angry actions affect your child and do something about it, your child has the best chance for a happy future. The pain of the divorce can start to heal for everyone.

If your ex partner is engaging in abusive or harmful behavior, and you feel that your safety or that of your child is at risk, seek help from an experienced professional or domestic violence organization. In relationships where domestic violence is present, the most dangerous time for the victim is when leaving the perpetrator, as that is when the abuse escalates. Abusers may also use the child as a pawn to control, dominate or seek revenge against the other parent (domestic violence by proxy) or engage in alienation tactics.

“Helping Your Child” also offers a list of do’s and don’t’s for parents co-parenting after divorce, and some helpful resources, for parents to identify problematic behavior and find positive ways to change.

The article ends with a statement called “The Rights of a Child in Divorce”, which I will share here. When you talk about the “best interest” or “doing what is best” for a child the message and intent can get confused, or enmeshed with what the adult is seeking. “The Rights of a Child in a Divorce” offers both a perspective from a child while also offering a guide for parents.

The Rights of a Child in a Divorce
· To be told that my mother and father still love me and will never divorce me.
· To be told that the divorce is not my fault and not to be told about the adult problems that caused it.
· To be treated as a human being—not as another piece of property to be fought over, bargained over or threatened.
· To have decisions about me based on my best interest, rather than past wrongs, hurt feelings, or parent’s needs.
· To love both my parents without being forced to choose or feel guilty.
· To know both my parents through regular, frequent involvement in my life.
· To have the financial support of both my father and mother.
· To be spared hearing bad hurtful comments about either of my parents which have no useful purpose.
· Not to be asked to tell a lie or act as a spy or messenger.
· To be allowed to care about others without having to choose or feel guilty.