“When she finally left him and tried to take her girls with her, she encountered a new monster — family court..”

Title: Custody Crisis: Why Moms Are Punished in Court

Date: Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Written for Mom Logic, posted on United Angels Against Domestic Violence, UAADV, News Blog at: http://uaadvnewsblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/national-child-custody-crisis-why-are.html

My Thoughts: I highly recommend this article. It is  very informative and gives voice to so many mothers who are victimized then forced into silence. For those just learning about Family Court Abuse, this article is very insightful and offers both sides of the argument while remaining focused on advocating for vulnerable children.

Summary :

“..fathers are more likely than mothers to intentionally lie (21 percent, compared to 1.3 percent). In fact, abusive parents are more likely to seek sole custody than nonviolent ones, and are successful about 70 percent of the time.”

This article includes several true-life horror stories from Family Court and includes insights into why Family Court so often fails to protect victims of domestic violence and their children. It also touches on the highly controversial “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or PAS.

Some of the Stories:

When Gina Kaysen Fernandes gains the strength to leave her abusive husband, and seek help for her two daughters, both victims of sexual abuse, she encounters a new form of abuse in family court. Gina bravely fights to keep her children safe only to loose custody.

 Linda Marie Sacks, another mother, shares a similar story. She says the judge “legally kidnapped my daughters”. After 11 years of marriage, Linda Marie files for divorce with concerns that her husband had been molesting her two daughters–who were sexually acting out and one, reportedly drew a picture in therapy “that depicted her father as an erect penis on legs”. Not only did Linda Marie loose her legal rights to her children but she was forced into supervised visitation after being falsely accused of Parental Alienation Syndrome, “Linda Marie has only seen her children during supervised visits for a total of 54 hours over the past two and a half years.” Linda Marie Sacks will never stop fighting for her children.

Another mother, Lorraine Tipton of Oconto Falls, WI, was jailed for 30 days after she refused to force her daughter to visit every other week with her allegedly abusive ex-husband. The Court found no concerns with the father despite his arrest record “Her ex, Craig Hensberger, was arrested three times for domestic violence and once for child abuse. His criminal record also includes two DUI arrests, one of which happened while driving with his daughter.” Hensberger admitted in Court that he is still drinking, and the daughter has also reported that she has seen her father drunk on numerous occasions.

Joyce Murphy, of San Diego, took off with her daughter after the Court granted custody to her allegedly abusive ex husband. The father, Henry Parson, was accused of child molestation. He countered the allegations by accusing Joyce of Parental Alienation, and won custody. Six years later, Parson was caught in the act of child rape, “pleaded guilty to six counts of child abuse, which included oral sex with a child, molestation, possessing child porn, and using a child to make porn.” It is sickening to think Parson only got 6 years in prison while the children involved will suffer for a lifetime! Joyce Murphy was able to win full, permanent custody of her daughter after the conviction. It is unclear if any member of Family Court was investigated or penalized for their role in returning a child to an abusive home.

These stories are unbelievable but true–and are just the tip of the iceburg. Family Court does not conduct criminal investigations when allegations of abuse arise–even when children are involved, instead they rely on their own court-appointed experts (guardian ad litem, psychologist, evaluators, mediators, etc) for counsel and direction. These court-appointed experts usually do not have the training to deal with abuse allegations, and without a jury or other form of representation, most mothers are at the mercy of these experts–who hold the esteem of judges and have nearly invincible power. Most women cannot afford an attorney and will end up bankrupt after lengthy legal proceedings, or will attempt to represent herself.

At the same time, most women don’t want to go to criminal court or don’t have a strong enough case for criminal charges. And Child Protective Services will usually shy away from investigating custody cases or refer to the findings of the court experts already appointed.

Another weapon used against mothers is Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS, “There’s no doubt fathers play a critical role in a child’s life, and in most cases, are equally loving and capable parents who deserve custody. However, studies find when a wife accuses her husband of abuse, more than half the time, she faces a counter-accusation of “parental alienation syndrome,” or PAS. ” PAS is not a certified medical condition–it seemingly only afflicts women at the onset of divorce (not at any other time in life) and has no recognized cure or course of treatment. PAS has on main symptom–a mother becomes so angry at her ex that she will make up stories of abuse in order to denigrate him, and turn the children against him, which is “alienation”. PAS means the very act of divorce creates cause for suspicion of “alienation“. This article does balance the debate and includes opinions by Dean Tong, author and forensic consultant, who supports PAS.

When you are finished reading, go check out the UAADV link to your state!

Sending my support and encouragement to UAADV and to all mothers fighting to protect their children, Evanlee

I  made the mistake of bring my kids to Where the Wild Things Are, it was the WORST movie experience of my life! Spike Jonze should be ashamed of directing this movie, which is not kid friendly!!   My son actually begged to leave the movie before it ended, and all of us came out feeling depressed. I ended up spending more money, than the cost of the actual ticket, doing things to cheer my kids up—and make them forget the movie! My recommendation—STAY AWAY!!!

Where the Wild Things Are is a really depressing movie that is filmed mostly outdoors in Australia and in a gray-violet lens, and the budget looks like they spent only $100 with the cheap costumes, that became dirtier with each passing scene. I was seriously tempted to throw Max’s costume in the washing machine after 15 minutes of this movie! The soundtrack for this movie was also terrible, most of the songs sounded like something out of a 1960’s commune and were equally as depressing. I really can’t think of anything I liked about this movie, and the only reason my daughter wanted to stay was because she enjoys torturing her brother. In fact, my son and I begged my daughter to leave then resorted to bribing her so she would agree to get out the door!!! When I promised my daughter she could have ice-cream and cereal for supper, she finally relented and agreed to go.

Where the Wild Things Are is a story about a little boy named Max who has a pretty miserable life—his Dad is missing or dead, his older sister picks on him and his mom is pretty much working all the time then playing kissy face with her boyfriend. Finally, one day, Max explodes (which is pretty funny—he jumps on the counter when his mom is making dinner and yells, “Woman feed me!”) and runs away from home. He gets on a boat and winds up on an island inhabited by fake-puppet monsters with weird names. All the monsters are seriously dysfunctional and constantly fight with each other. There are more than a few sexual innuendos with the monsters as well, and some prerrt harsh language. They also try to eat Max, which is a pretty scary scene that caused my son to hide. Max becomes king of the monsters and one depressing thing after another happens until we finally leave. My son sums up the whole movie, “Everything bad happens Mom.”

After I left this stupid movie, my kids and I had a great day playing in the snow. I then took them to the grocery store and let them pick out any treat they wanted—which was cake mix with sprinkle frosting. So we baked a cake, listened to “Veggie Tales” and tried to have a normal night. I hope they weren’t too traumatized by Where the Wild Things Are…and I don’t even care how it ended.

My thoughts about this movie… Don’t bother! If you like Maurice Sendak, stick to Little Bear.

E.J. Perth, 2010.

This quote has stayed with me since I first heard it…

“When people have tremendous power, it’s real easy to abuse that power.” — Dr. Phil, 2007.

  A teacher gave my child a notebook to practise her letters, and this is what she wrote.

 

Evanlee Perth, 2010

I Wish Dad Was Nice to Mom

 

Title: (Opinion) Child abuse: when family courts get it wrong  

Author: Kathleen Russell, cofounder and staff consultant to the Center for Judicial Excellence in Marin County, CA

Source: The Christian Science Monitor

Retrieved: 12/30/2009 http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2009/1014/p09s02-coop.html

Summary: Family Courts are awarding custody to dangerous, abusive parents, “according to one conservative estimate, more than 58,000 children per year are ordered by family courts into unsupervised contact with physically or sexually abusive parents following divorce in the United States…”. Victims of domestic violence seeking protection for their children in Family Court are often punished for speaking out against abuse, the effects of this are devastating–especially for vulnerable children placed in the custody of alleged abusers.

The injustice and bias victims of domestic violence face in Family Court can seem beyond belief–we want to believe the courts uphold the laws, that everyone is guaranteed equal justice. Sadly, that is not the case. Some of the most horrendous stories of abuse and injustice come from Family Court. In her article “Child abuse, when family courts get it wrong”, Kathleen Russell provides an overview about the breakdown of justice in Family Court, when abuse victims are ignored or punished for seeking help and children are placed in the custody of abusers.

Russell also discusses the infamous Parental Alienation Syndrome “PAS” which is used to take children from protective parents by claiming the allegations of abuser are not valid, but are signs the parent is attempting to “alienate” the child from the other parent. The court’s attention then moves away from abuse and instead begins to focus on the “uncooperative” parent, who is causing distraction to avoid sharing custody. Actual statistics prove the opposite, “Though rare, false allegations of abuse do occur. Research on child sexual abuse indicates that close to 98 percent of children who claim sexual abuse in the context of a high conflict divorce are telling the truth, yet family courts routinely proceed as if the opposite were true…” And yet, protective parents are losing custody at alarming numbers, and for many have their contact with children is limited to costly supervised visitation centers, monitored phone calls or other types of brief exchanges.

Russell emphasizes there is a real need for Family Court reform, and highlights some of the initiatives to do so. This was a very informative article, and a great place to start for those new to the topic. Russell takes a difficult subject and breaks it down in an easy to read format.

Evanlee Perth, 2009.

Center for Judicial Excellence Online: http://www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org

 

Lora Brislin is the mother of two daughters ages 6 and 4. Lora has not spoken to or seen her daughters since April of this year (2009). In May Judge Phyllis Miller of Gwinnett County, Georgia ordered that ALL custody and visitation be taken from Lora, and that the girls be in the sole custody of their father and his new wife. 

Lora endured 5 years of physical and mental abuse at the hands of her former husband, the father of their 2 girls. During which time he, repeatedly hit Lora as well as stalked, harassed, and verbally abused her. 

During their marriage the father wanted nothing to do with their two daughters. When Lora finally found the courage to leave her abuser in October of 2006, the father suddenly became adamant in 2007 after advice of his attorney to start exercising his visitation because he was not doing so. Not only did he get visitation of these children, he began threatening to take custody away from Lora Brislin.

Lora has been the one, for two years now who has had to endure a battery of psychological tests, chastisement and ridicule from the courts, and little help on the part of law enforcement officials. For two years, Ms. Brislin has heard numerous pleas of help from her daughters and has tried to make the courts listen to her and her children and, once and for all, hear the TRUTH. Instead, she was laughed at by the courts, told she was making false allegations against their father, and was a menace to her children. On May 7, 2009 the father was awarded sole custody and Lora was to have no contact with her daughters whatsoever by their Judge who has since been disbarred this July 2009.

The father served a lengthy term in jail as a result of his criminal activity.  In one of his previous marriages, not only did he also abuse his former wife as well.  He abandoned his son and gave up his parental rights in exchange for child support (not having to pay).

Lora Brislin, along with the undersigned, is confused by this outrageous injustice by the court. Ms. Brislin is not the only loving and responsible mother who has had her children literally ripped from her arms and placed in the sole custody of an abusive father. We are asking that this case be reopened and investigated.  We ask that this egregious injustice be dealt with, and that Lora and her daughters be reunited. If the sisters were placed in a neutral setting during this process and their safety assured to them, they would most likely state that they do not feel safe with their father and wish to be able to live with their mother.  They were “whipped” into silence and at one point made to say it was their mother who was the alleged molester when they were accompanied by their father to interviews.  

This grave misuse of power cannot be stood for! Clearly there is some reason other than simply poor judgment on the part of the courts that has caused Lora Brislin to lose all contact with her children. No matter what that hidden agenda might be, if the court decision is allowed to stand the Gwinnett County court system will be continuing to place these children in harms way and be punishing their mother for trying to protect them! NO CHILD OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THIS STATE CAN BE CONSIDERED SAFE IF WE CANNOT GET THESE SISTERS SAFE!

There are men and women all over the country as well as all over the world, who are watching to see what is done about this horrific case of court-ordered abuse. We believe that if government officials do not intervene in cases like this in which a clear misuse of power has destroyed the lives of two young children and their mother, then the government should be seen as, not only negligent, but as condoning this outrageous behavior on the part of judges who seemingly, has to answer to no one!

Our family court system was supposed to have been put in place for the purpose of aiding families, and in cases where abuse is involved, supporting the protective parent, thereby ensuring the safety of innocent and defenseless children. In this case, however, it appears that the very system that was put into place for the purpose of protecting children is, instead, aiding in the traumatizing of these helpless victims.

Update December 8, 2009: I just wanted to let members know that though we have been threatened legal action if this and similar sites were not taken down, this will not deter us in our fight for TRUTH and JUSTICE. We are not interested in clouding issues, we want to bring the truth into the light and if this upsets people, then they must have… something to hide. We have obviously hit a nerve and we got a reaction. We will continue to advocate for the Brislin sisters until a true, ethical and indepth investigation is completed. Not limited to polygraphs and the reopening of former documented evidence.

 

***********

Petition to Reunite Lora Brislin with her two daughters Megan and Elizabeth: We, the undersigned, are standing together in an attempt to speak for these little ones who are not allowed to speak for themselves and, in order to prevent further destruction in their lives, we are asking that this case be revisited and that The Truth finally be brought into The Light so that justice can prevail: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/reunite-lora-brislin-two-daughters

Take Action and Sign Now!

  

Save 6 and 4 year old Sisters from Court Ordered Abuse Facebook Page:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=196710765527

 Partnership Against Domestic Violence (PADV), Georgia (Education, Safety Planning, Shelter, Advocacy): http://www.padv.org
 
 

 

Article: Tell Your Children the Truth

Author: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Source: Online, http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html (Retrieved 12/22/2009)

Summary: Should you tell your child about domestic abuse that occurred in your family or just move on with your life? What are the repercussions for not talking to your child about domestic abuse that occurred in the home?

“Most victims attempt to present to their children a “balanced” picture of the relationship and of the abusive spouse. In a vain attempt to avoid the notorious (and controversial) Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), they do not besmirch the abusive parent and, on the contrary, encourage the semblance of a normal, functional, liaison. This is the wrong approach. Not only is it counterproductive – it sometimes proves outright dangerous…” — Dr. Vaknin

According to Dr. Vaknin, children have a right to know the truth about abuse in the family, and to know the relationship between the parents is over. Children will tend to blame themselves for the break-up of their parents. Dicussing the issues honestly, and in a straight forward manner will not only relieve some of the child’s guilt and anxiety but also help in the healing process.

Dr. Vaknin warns that when talking to children, avoid blame or bad mouthing the other parent. It is important that the parent teach the child appropriate behaviors, and how to develop healthy boundaries. The best example is the one a parents models for a child. Dr. Vaknin recommends explaining what abuse is and that abusive or hurtful behavior is not okay. “Teach your children to avoid your paranoid ex and to report to you immediately any contact he has made with them. Abusive bullies often strike where it hurts most – at one’s kids. Explain the danger without being unduly alarming. Make a distinction between adults they can trust – and your abusive former spouse, whom they should avoid.”  He goes on to elaborate that children should be taught to identify warning signs of abuse, and how to be assertive so they can vocalize their needs, and get help if necessary.

Dr. Vaknin also discusses the abuser’s personality and their parenting style (ie: treating the child as an object, incest, and different types of conflict). He offers a lot of experience and insight on this topic, which is not comforting but may answer some questions for the victim, and will educate others on abuse. This site also offers alot of articles and information.

 Finally. Dr. Vaknin offers some advise for victims to survive their abuser and ongoing methods of abuse and/or intimidation (http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html). His advise is to ignore the abuser but also to follow the guidelines set by the court, if there is any court involvement.

Do NOT contravene the decisions of the system. Work from the inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings – but NEVER rebel against them or ignore them. You will only turn the system against you and your interests..” There is about 15-20 suggestions which may be helpful, including not to react blindly when triggered by your abuser–think things through before acting. You may be walking into a trap, by which your abuser will manipulate, humiliate or further undermine you by causing you to react out of emotion.

I really like what Dr. Vaknin has to offer, he is very thorough and clearly is very experienced. The article is a bit lengthy, and tend to drift away from the initial subject. But it is worth a look, and has a lot to offer.

ON A PERSONAL NOTE….

What really hit home about Tell Your Children the Truth is that Family Court personnel advised just the opposite–I was told not to talk about abuse, I was told I could not “prove” it happened and I was criticized for efforts to seek help for myself.

 I can understand if court personnel needed to weigh the issues, and at times they, for whatever reason, chose to side with my abuser…the problem is family court ignored glaring evidence of ongoing abuse towards my children, and held my abuser to a very different standard than what was expected of me. My abuser has a history of violence, including getting into a bar fight which resulted in him being stabbed. He was also diagnosed with personality disorder, and his statements were found to be unreliable. Yet, under the guise of “the best interests of the child” I was told to lie about abuse in my family , and basically smile and act like everything is fine.

Dr. Vankin is right when he says this is dangerous for the children. I have seen my children suffer tremendously and my son is now becoming abusive towards his sister and I. To lie is to enable the abuser–it does not resolve problems, and encourages further violence.

On so many levels, Dr. Vaknin described my abuser exactly. It was as if Dr. Vaknin knew my abuser better than I do! My abuser has a history of having relations with vulnerable young girls barely out of their teenage years, including a female cousin… “Minors pose little danger of criticizing the abuser or confronting him….The narcissistic parent derives gratification from having incestuous relations with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced and dependent “bodies”….” And when the abuser perceives the victim as a threat, “He wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have become totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand why he has to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes himself to have been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped...” The abuser then may escalate the violence, he may also become paranoid and begins to push his family away (and will justify this by taking the victim role).

It does not make me feel better to read articles like this. Often I will become more fearful for my children. What does help is having the information, and knowing that I am not crazy or making this up…my concerns are valid. And sometimes that bit of information will give the strength needed to keep fighting for justice, and to keep fighting for my children.

E.J. Perth, 2009

Thank-You, Dr, Vaknin for posting your articles online, and offering your advise and thoughts to us all!

An Angel for all the little ones…

How do you get through the holidays remaining safe and sane, especially in situations that
a) trigger memories of trauma or abuse?
b) involve dealing with people who have hurt or abused you?
c) have to transition your kids to an abuser OR won’t have your kids on the holidays?

Post your tips, strategies and encouragements here.

_________________________________
Dealing with Painful Memories:

*The holidays are what YOU make it–don’t worry about making elaborate meals or spending the last of your money on gifts or other stressors, take care of yourself and your priorities. Be creative and willing to try new things
* Join a support group or have a plan to call a trusted friend or family member
* Anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress will grip you and then it’s hard to rebound. Make a plan for difficult times–this may includ ways to lift your mood, support systems, ways to cope with stressors and emergency numbers
* If the holidays are difficult, don’t push yorself or make changes at this time. Don’t work longer hours or force yourself to endure hectic shopping. Give yourself some TLC
*Take time to do something you enjoy

Dealing with People Who Have Hurt or Abused You:

*Choose not to be around certain people OR if you have to be around them, make a plan (ie: having someone there for support, setting a time limit or being firm with boundaries are some ideas)
*What do you want for the holidays? What do you cherish about your family time? Focus on what is important to you, and stand for it. Nasty people don’t have to ruin your holidays!
*Find a support group or make plans to be with friends or family members who offer love and encouragement
* Set very clear boundaries. You have the power to say “yes” or “no” to what feels right to you
* One book I found that was helpful is “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy & Reclaiming Your Life” by Dr. Susan Forward

Transferring Children to an Abuser:

* Have someone with you OR If you can’t have someone come with, maintan contact with another person on a cell phone so you can confirm you arrived safely
* Conduct exchanges in a public location or police station. Stand near a location with at least 2 exits. Stand in front of security cameras. Stand as close as possible to a receptionist, cashier, security guard or other safe person
* Keep a notebook to record the dates and times the exchange happened, note anything unusual or if the other party is late (etc)
* Get the kids in/out as quick as possible (My abuser would manipulate the kids at exchanges. One time he promised to take my son to a toy store so my son cried and threw a fit bc he didn’t want to go home with me. My abuser later went to court and said I am a bad mom, and my kids don’t want to be with me…that’s part if the reason the notebook is important)
Say your good-byes to your kids BEFORE getting to the exchange location

K wrote a previous post on how to cope with holidays when you don’t have your kids:

http://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/2009/04/09/holidays-without-your-child/

Blessings, Evanlee, 2009.

Dr. Richard Gardner the Originator of Parental Alienation Syndrome..

“Gardner, as a rationalist, has a belief in the possibility of ideas becoming “deeply embedded in the brain circuitry” of professionals, of whom he is one. He has set out to systematically establish the existence of a syndrome, for which he will be remembered, according to the rituals of present-day scientific process, to burn this into their brain circuitry….But that’s not science.It is still hard to say whether, on aggregate, the focus on this syndrome is helpful….But however much PAS achieves in the grand scheme of things, over a period of years, it is probably the wrong tool for the courts…” — Julian Fitzgerald, Leeds (UK), “Denial of the Parental Alienation Syndrome Also Harms Women”: http://www.shatterdmen.com/PAS%20harms%20Women.htm

 

If you support PAS, and Dr. Garnder’s work, you also support statements like these and intervention strategies like these:

The child who has suffered bona fide abuse may very well have enjoyed the experience and will often suffer guilt over such pleasure because the child has subsequently learned that the act is an unacceptable, sinful, or even criminal act.”
RICHARD A. GARDNER, THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME AND THE DIFFERENTIATION BETWEEN FABRICATED AND GENUINE CHILD SEX ABUSE  114 (1987).

The child should be able to pity the father for the curse (in our society) of having pedophilic tendencies.  In other times and other places, he would be considered normal.” 
RICHARD A. GARDNER, TRUE AND FALSE ALLEGATIONS OF CHILD SEX ABUSE  592 (1992).

“Some children experience ‘high sexual urges in early infancy.’ There is good reason to believe that most, if not all, children have the capacity to reach orgasm at the time they are born.” Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 15)

Judges are not free from the psychopathological mechanisms. . .  They too may have repressed pedophilic impulses over which there is suppression, repression, and guilt.  Inquiry into the details of the case provides voyeuristic and vicarious gratifications. . .  Incarcerating the alleged perpetrator may serve psychologically to obliterate the judge’s own projected pedophilic impulses.”
RICHARD A. GARDNER, SEX ABUSE HYSTERIA: THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS REVISITED 107 (1991).

Overview of Dr. Richard Gardner’s Opinions on Pedophilia and Child Sexual Abuse (Leadership Council): http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/RAG.html

Quotes By Richard Gardner (Stop Family Violence): http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/info/custody-abuse/parental-alienation/quotes-by-richard-gardner

Quotes by Gardner: Proponent of PAS (Parenting Abused Kids): http://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/2007/08/30/quotes-by-gardner-proponent-of-pas/

California Judges Assoc, Family Law Bar & Psychologists Support Child Abuse Cover Up (Battered Moms Loose Custody) May 8, 2009: http://batteredmomslosecustody.wordpress.com/2009/05/08/california-judges-assoc-family-law-bar-psychologists-support-child-abuse-cover-up/

Video “Parental Alienation – Invented by a Pedophile” : http://imissedbeingme.blogspot.com/2008/11/parental-alienation-invented-by.html

ANOTHER VIEW:

The judge also severely limited the mother’s access to the children. Ordered not to harass them or go within 300 metres of them, she can see them only in the context of counselling. The father was granted the power to confiscate the girls’ cellphones and any other communication devices to prevent their mother’s interference. He also has the right to whisk them out of the province and the country to get counselling. The victory comes after much frustration….Even so, there are no longitudinal studies about whether radical intervention works, several experts acknowledged.” Courts can rescue kids from an alienating parent, Sarah Hampson, Globe and Mail Published on Thursday, Jan. 29, 2009: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/article969086.ece

 

In exasperation, target parents often want to “cure” the toxic parent with medication or therapy. The problem with medication as a solution is that it is very difficult to get another person to take it consistently. After all, in their mind, there isn’t anything wrong with them…Therapy can, in fact, make these troubled individuals worse. Since they do not feel moral emotions of empathy, sympathy, or compassion, the therapist may unwittingly teach compassionate gestures and language that their client can use to more effectively manipulate people.” -Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) Its Causes, Cures, Costs and Controversies, By Jayne A. Major, Ph.D: http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/parenting_and_step-families/Parental_Alienation_Syndrome.html

 

“Putting the alienating parent on parole is feasible as is ordering community service. The parent on parole is assigned to a parole officer who can report to the court failure to comply with ordered visitation. Courts have the power to confine to house arrest and even incarcerate a parent who is in contempt. As a preliminary, the court can order alienating parents to take an escorted tour of the local jail. Familiarization with what lies ahead may help PAS-inducing parents reconsider their positions. A few days in a local jail would generally suffice to help such a parent cease and desist from the PAS-inducing programming.” March 2000 Addendum, Richard A. Gardner, M.D. Parental Alienation Syndrome 2nd Edition, Creative Therapeutics, Inc., Cresskill, N.J. 07626): http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/gard00b.htm

 

Judge Nakahara learned about Gardner’s concept of PAS from the testimony of the court appointed reunification therapist…He observed that the alienating parent in more severe PAS usually had significant psychological problems.  False allegations of abuse were also more likely to be part of the equation. 

He cautions family law judges to be aware that in addition to the child, professionals upon whom the court relies may also be ” brainwashed ” by the alienating parent.  This includes attorneys, family court services and private counselors.  The opinions of various professionals who become involved should not be accepted as authoritative simply because individuals designated as professionals are making them…

According to Judge Nakahara, holding parents accountable builds success.  Relieving a parent of sanctions builds failure and increases the likelihood that unacceptable behavior will recur

When lesser sanctions failed to produce results, Judge Nakahara did not hesitate to order that a noncompliant parent be taken into custody…Experience taught Judge Nakahara that five days in jail is the optimum period of time to make a significant impression on a parent who persists in violating and resisting court orders.” Parental Alienation Syndrome by Deirdre Conway Rand, Ph.D., Forensic Psychologist: http://www.robin.no/~dadwatch/pasdir/rand05.html

 

This is just some ideas rolling around in my head about Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). If you actually worked for Family Court Services, and were hearing PAS allegations—how do you approach PAS while being fair and impartial???

These are my ideas…

The Allegation: Parental Alienation Sydrome “PAS”/Malicious Mom Syndrome

  • Require regular (yearly) mandatory training for Family Court Staff including topics such as ethics, domestic violence, children and trauma and state regulations. This training should be certified and all providers should be thoroughly checked to ensure it is from a credible institution (not some organization with an agenda).

      This can be done! Professions like teaching and mortgage origination have mandatory training…

  • Conduct routine audits, performance reviews and satisfaction surveys (anonymously) of Family Court Services as well as follow up on resolved cases
  • In order to be fair and impartial, I believe Family Courts should not use the term “Malicious Mom Syndrome” because it is biased, and creates an accusation that is almost irreversible
  • Family court personnel should remain independent and neutral while also working together. It should not be that one staff member is just agreeing with another staff member just because—this creates division, and unnecessary strain on the family
  • There should be a way to reprimand, punish or even terminate employment for family court staff who act inappropriately (and clear guidelines should be set for conduct, behavior, ethics and job expectations)
  • Assess who is making the allegations of PAS, assess also allegations of domestic violence and child abuse (including allegations the child may have witnessed acts of violence). BOTH parties should be held to the same standards.
  • Similarly, if PAS is indeed a real syndrome, then both fathers and mothers—as well as other caretakers should be considered for it.

      Family court staff  should also be suspect for creating alienation against one favored parent, if needed, should be investigated and reprimanded. There should be red flags for certain types of behavior—several one sided reports that seem to condemn or denigrate one parent over the other, staff giving legal advise to one parent, serious or ongoing allegations of child abuse ignored, complaints against staff (past and present) etc…

  • Consider the origin of symptoms—was PAS present before the custody proceedings were initiated? Has anyone other than the accusing party witnessed any concerns? Is there any medical or forensic documentation to support PAS OR disprove it?
  • Consider whether there is any other explanation for the suspect behavior—and investigate. Example: Parent hesitant and/or fearful but claiming domestic violence…before blindly slapping the parent with the label PAS, investigate these claims and gather more information
  • Gather collateral information: Doctor reports, Court psych evals, Visitation logs, Family studies, School reports, Parent history, etc
  • Consider behavior by parent making allegations that may be abusive, threatening, or alienating.

      Here is a good example: My abusive ex ctells the Guardian ad Litem that I am  “alienating” the children from him.  As “proof” he claims that he gave my child a birthday card and that I ripped it up & threw it away.  GAL believes these allegations without investigating the claims, and never spoke to me. She writes a       report, which is handed in to the Court, claiming I am “alienating” the children  from their father, and using this incident to support her claims. It NEVER  happened! I actually have the birthday card, and saved it for my child. I even produced the card for the GAL—but by then it was too late. The GAL report had been issued to the Court, I have been negatively portrayed and the GAL  refused to retract her remarks.

Parents should have a means to defend themselves in court, and to correct false or misleading statements with truth and fact. When a parent is silenced, threatened      and their voice is ignored that is alienation!

  • Consider factual evidence, research, data and statistics concerning PAS—is this even a valid syndrome? What are the risks to the family? Are there other theories or information available that would better explain the situation OR support credible facts?
  • Would you consider Dr. Richard Garnder a reliable witness? If you were to hold Dr. Gardner to the same standards as a parent sitting in front of you….what would your recommendation be? Seriously, think about it before adopting PAS.

 I am just getting started here….please feel free to add your thoughts and other ideas…

 Evanlee, 2009

Parental Alienation Syndrome: What Professionals Need To Know Part 1 of 2 By Erika Rivera Ragland 1 & Hope Fields 2 (American Prosecutors Research Institute,Update – Volume 16, Number 6, 2003) : http://www.ndaa.org/publications/newsletters/update_volume_16_number_6_2003.html

Parental Alienation Syndrome Information on Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), SMART Ritual Abuse Pages: http://ritualabuse.us/research/parental-alienation-syndrome/

 

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